Into the oven until you can smell it from the living room. Tiptoe, never peek. She forced me to develop a sense for it, to know, just know. I always meant to time it but never remembered. When I open the oven the top has a lightning bolt crack and bounces back when I press it. While it cools, I beat a pound of butter with a pound of confectioners’ sugar and a tablespoon of vanilla. I make myself wait—learn to be patient—a whole hour, a little more than an hour, before I frost my cake. In the little utility room behind the kitchen there are some sad little candles in the bottom of one of Lolly’s drawers, mostly broken or half burnt, but there’s a blue one that’s still in pretty good shape, so I take it out, stick it in the middle, and light it. But I don’t sing to myself and blow it out or anything stupid like that. I just watch it burn down. It doesn’t take that long. I take out a knife and cut myself a slice. Perfect crumb. So much for your compulsive folding, Mother. Only I don’t feel like eating anymore, so I slot the slice back into its place, take it outside, plate and all, and throw it off the stupid cliff.

Everyone was born. Who gives a shit.

Chapter Seven

After last night’s landslip the backyard’s taken on a half-moon shape as if the sea took an actual bite out of it. Almost noon and the heat is like a boxer, heavy but fast and violent in the air.

There’s one particular rock close to the edge—flat and broad, barely visible above the line of the grass—just before the ground goes hollow, where it’s really just an overbite with everything underneath already gone. When I squint I can see the heat blurring just above its surface. There might not be enough cliff underneath to support my weight, but I’m drawn to it. I crawl, super low to the ground, more like a snake than a baby, and pile my body on. I relax against the searing stone. It’s the perfect size, practically made for me. As I slide out of my T-shirt and underwear, the sun is so hot my skin turns to scales and my blood burns and my bones toast. The light and heat penetrate the density of my hair and sting my scalp and summon up itchy, prickling sweat. I let the heat in under my arms and between my toes. I open my pussy and let the light get as far inside me as it can reach. It’s noon up my nose and in my lungs and the ocean can have me if it wants me. Everything can end if it ends like this.