Per your request, I’ve got a thigh-high puddle of shit for you to wade through, Vince. And you better believe it stinks.

Scull opened the first file and browsed through it. Within minutes, he was ready to start holding his nose.

EIGHT - GABON, AFRICA CALIFORNIA

EIGHT

GABON, AFRICA CALIFORNIA

From Sledge Online (“The Alternative E-zine
of News and Opinion”): Hot Briefs

YANK YOUR GRAND BOUBOU
OUT OF THE CLOSET
UpLink and Sedco Get Down on an Unlikely Stage

by Mannee Almonte

An image of the normally reserved Roger Gordian shaking his derriere at a corporate romp charged with the frenetic dance rhythms of Makossa, Sahelian, and Congo pop musicians is one that would be muy quick to grab attention in business and social circles. Add to that picture a dance stage supported by huge pontoons and anchor cables and a background of soaring steel derricks, flying masts, and industrial lifting hooks, and even regular financial observers accustomed to the idiosyncratic styles of a Forbes or Bloomberg couldn’t ignore it.

Ever dangle a feather lure over a cat’s head? It may be for the very purpose of seizing the media’s eye that the event I’ve described above has been scheduled for next week aboard an offshore drilling platform in the waters of Gabon, an equatorial African republic small enough to fit on a microscope slide and never heard of by many American specimens—at least none we know. But there and nowhere else, the head of a telecom giant renowned for having transformed the role of private enterprise in “advancing global democratization” (Whuzzat? Dunno. We’re just quoting the Wall Street Journal.) will join the top dog of an ambitious petroleum company to sign, seal, and celebrate a new partnership that seeks to compete with the older and slipperier oilfish who have dominated that aquatic territory for decades. Add their political hosts in the region, and you’ve got quite the must-see must-be jamboree.

“Yank your grand boubou out of the closet,” enthused the event’s master-of-ceremonies—and Sedco CEO—Hugh “King Hughie” Bennett in a recently televised Financial News Network appearance, referencing the flamboyant embroidered dress costumes worn throughout the African continent. “Work hard, play hard’s my motto; and we’re all getting ready to kick up our heels for this one.”

Having sunk tooth and claw into Bennett’s string-and-feather jiggle toy, your spectacle-susceptible columnist must confess that his mouth is watering with anticipation as he prepares to join the crème de la press corps flying off to the event on Sedco’s charter. Which begs the question to those transculturally fashionable, hoity-toity readers who may be past visitors to Gabon—and to our destination city of Port-Gentil in particular—Can any of you recommend a Rent-A-Grand Boubou on short notice? The threads are a must—just ask King Hughie.

Pointers and discount offers will be welcomed at our e-mail address, dear friends.