‘They’ve had a visit from the Animal Vigilantes. A threatening banner’s appeared overnight.’

‘You win.’

‘Why are you mashing tea with a fork? Is that where all the forks are going? You’re nicking them for tea.’

‘No. Today the teaspoons are partying with the forks in the black hole. This is my personal lunch fork.’ He dropped it in the sink and followed me out to the car. He’d never see that fork again. He frowned. ‘You think the Animal Vigilantes haven’t finished yet?’

I pulled out of the car park and took the road towards Gritton. The heatwave showed no sign of abating and the sun battered the dry rocks and scorched grasses of the moors.

‘What about that abattoir waste?’ I said. ‘Please tell me we found it.’

‘Um … Not yet I’m afraid. Nobody admits to knowing who took it away,’ Jai replied.

‘Oh, for God’s sake. How can a ton of rotting giblets just disappear?’

‘I know, I know. Fiona’s on it.’

‘This is all highly suspicious. Did you check with the rendering plants?’

‘Yes, they all have cameras and an inspection process. They’re adamant they’d spot human remains. We alerted the local ones and they’ve checked cameras for yesterday and there was nothing suspicious, but they’ll let us know if any human heads appear.’

‘Bloody hell, Jai. All right, I get the message.’ I pictured the potential scene at the rendering plant.

‘Sorry, I imagine you don’t need that this morning.’

‘You weren’t exactly Mr Sober either. It was only Hannah being sensible. The pair of you got along well.’

‘She’s great.’

‘Possibly a little too well. Did she start telling you about my awful ex, and threatening to locate my fat baby photos?’

‘It was most enlightening. You never talk about your ex. Or your fat baby photos for that matter.’

‘He was a nightmare. Don’t assume arty, creative types can’t also be controlling bastards. And my baby photos are fodder for bad dreams. I have horrible taste in men and I was indeed a very fat baby.’

As I’d hoped, an evening of Hannah sharing my darkest secrets had settled my relationship with Jai. We felt more like buddies again, although I’d be steering clear of any conversation about Suki.

We joined the back of a queue of cars behind a car towing a caravan the size of a small planet. ‘Tourists,’ Jai sighed. ‘Why would you want to bring your accommodation with you like a giant snail?’

‘Too many terrifying B&B landlady experiences?’

Jai glanced at me. ‘I’m not sure I want to know.’

We sat in the queue for another ten minutes, with Jai cursing everyone who had ever visited the Peak District, or even looked at a map and considered it. ‘And the bikes are a pain in the arse too,’ he said.