In turn, Cooper was trying too. God, was he trying. With the therapy and the communicating and the thinking before he spoke and the apologizing after he did... But that didn’t change the fact that one of them was shedding walls to reveal literal fluffy goodness and the other was shedding walls to reveal...well. The person Cooper had always been, he supposed. Three percent less of a dick? Five on a good day? And not one single degree warmer, even at his best. Even before the attack. He’d known Neil long before then, after all.

What’s that expression? You have a heart only a mother could love, Neil would always say to him and laugh.

Cooper had laughed right along with him. Why not? He could see the truth in it, under the sting. It wasn’t like Neil meant to hurt him, anyway. That was just how things were between them, with Cooper saying all sorts of harsh shit to him in return. Both giving as good as they got. It had probably looked pretty toxic from the outside, but honestly, their relationship had been mostly uneventful. And yet, for some reason he didn’t fully understand, Cooper’s whole being cringed at the thought of having to explain that to Park. It felt impossible to say without exposing the particular way being with Neil had made him feel bad. Not badly, but bad.

Only people who don’t know the real you think you’re hot-tempered. But we both know you’re cold inside. So cold it burns. Born empty.

Okay, so maybe Neil had fucked him up a little after all.

But it wasn’t Park’s job to fix him. Nor was it his duty to wait around, possibly hindering his own growth, while Cooper floundered about taking two steps forward, one step back. Lashing out when uncomfortable. Progressing, sure. But not fast enough. Cooper didn’t believe anyone should have to stick out a relationship while their partner got their shit together.

Not that they were going to break up. This was no longer a question of if they were going make it or not. Nothing short of Park saying I don’t want to be with you anymore could make Cooper leave him. Nor was he over-concerned that Park would have some massive change of heart either. Cooper knew they were in it for the long haul like he knew the world was round or Mother’s closing monologue of Psycho. But as someone who cared about Park, as his friend, he wanted better for him than that cold man with the hair-trigger temper that had turned Neil bitter and put the shadows in his eyes.

Cooper didn’t just want to make it. He wanted them to thrive. He wanted Park to feel the sort of nurtured, safe, joyful, happy that he’d given up on as an abandoned child.