One final second where I saver the feel of her this close, then I push up and bring her hands with me. I lasso the belt around her wrists and cinch it tight. “You’re going to get hyperthermia.” I scoop Blakely into my arms, and she allows me to carry her back onto the trail.

I realize, out here with her, sheltered by darkness and towering monuments of time, I haven’t counted the seconds, the minutes. The constant, maddening need to check my watch hasn’t once demanded my attention.

She is more consuming than any madness.

17. Committed

17

Committed

Blakely

Lukewarm water beads down my back, washing away the frigid river. I turn the tap all the way to hot, hoping it will scald, but the degree barely changes. I feel like I’ll never be warm again, my body and extremities hardened into ice.

A completely inappropriate laugh slips out at the thought. I am ice, that’s why I’m here. Hard, cold, dead ice. Alex chose me out of a club full of narcissistic, shallow and superficial people. There had to be another option that night, but he selected me.

This bathroom is a new addition, added on to the basement but set apart from the area where he holds me. I pick up the shampoo bottle and notice it’s some generic brand. I suppose scientists who spend their days and nights torturing their victims don’t have time to formulate a preference for haircare.

I lather the shampoo into my hair, letting the suds slide down my body until the water starts to run cold, my thoughts turning inward.

Over the course of my life, no matter what situation I found myself in, I’ve considered myself the most intelligent person in the room. It was like a superpower, to know what everyone else was thinking, what they’d say, how they’d act and respond.

I’m good at what I do because emotion doesn’t hinder my process. And yet, out there at the river, with Alex baring his vulnerability, I couldn’t see past him—I couldn’t exploit any weakness…and I don’t understand why.

The frustration slithers under my skin, and I grip my hair at the roots, a scream lodged at the base of my throat.

I know what men look like and how they behave when they’re attracted to me. When they want to fuck me. But I’ve never had a man look at me the way Alex was tonight…and that not only confused me right then, I was paralyzed.

He’s fucking with my head. Literally. Regardless of what I thought I had figured out about Alex, I can’t underestimate him. I have to keep focused, stay smart.

I twist the lever to kill the now-cold water and ring out my hair. I drape the towel Alex left near the tub around my body, tucking the corner under my arm. As I step out, I notice the clothes set on the granite counter. There’s nothing else in this room. No toilet. No mirror. No personal effects. Nothing I can use as a weapon against my captor or to harm myself.