I give him the biggest grin I’m capable of forming. My eyes sting, and I force myself to get a grip. He’s getting the party I always dreamed of giving him—it doesn’t matter if I wasn’t able to do it all by myself. At least, it shouldn’t matter.

I grip my plate and slip away to the bottom of the stairs. Sitting down, I let the cool wood bring me to my senses. I take a bite, and the sweetness drowns out everything else. White cake with chocolate custard filling—his favorite. Deb knows him well.

I’m digging into my third bite when Xander walks into the hallway carrying his half-eaten slice of cake.

“I thought I saw you come this way,” he says. “May I?”

I nod.

His shoulder bumps mine as he sits beside me, and I get the same charge I felt onstage with him the first time. Maybe it’s not the stage and applause I crave. Maybe it’s just him. I’d rather it be the rush of the stage. That seems more attainable.

“Hiding from the kids?” I ask.

He chuckles. “I may not have long.”

I snort, spewing some icing on my knees in a most unattractive manner. I brush it away like I don’t care. “How’d you get away?”

“Magic.” He winks, and I tell myself he’s not flirting. He nudges my elbow with his. “Are you okay?”

My throat tightens around my answer. “This was the perfect party.” My words don’t warrant the emotion behind them, but Xander nods anyway, like it’s valid to be upset about a kid’s birthday party going perfectly.

“You have a great family,” he says.

I know the words are meant to be kind and generic, like most words are, but these ones hurt.

“Parker’s my family. Deb’s our foster… whatever.”

“Oh,” he says. He doesn’t say he’s sorry or any bullshit people usually say when they find out.

I draw a jagged breath, and he places an arm around my shoulder.

The touch makes my eyes sting again, and I’m seconds away from giving in and maybe crying for the first time in years.

Instead I clear my throat a little too aggressively. “I should probably get back to Parker.”

He stares at his half-eaten cake. “I need to go too, actually. See you in the morning?”

“I’ll be there.”