Roman gets down off the stage and lets some of the people in the front row inspect the knife, trying, I know, to milk out the applause I lost.

I scurry off the stage.

Willow reaches for me, but I brush her off.

Aristelle’s fists are clenched at her sides.

“I know. Don’t say it.”

“You cost us a lot of applause,” she says.

“Are you okay?” Xander asks. He slides a hand up and down my arm until I shake him off.

“Fine.” I don’t mean to, but my eyes flit between him and Aristelle as she stalks off. He sees it.

“Ava…”

I blush at my reaction to all of this, trying to invalidate my own feelings, but they linger, insistent.

Aristelle shakes her head and moves to intercept Roman coming off the stage, probably intent on making sure my error doesn’t cost us in some way. I meet Roman’s gaze and then look away as Aristelle drags him off.

I spin on my heel and dart down a metal hallway until I find a heavy red door with an exit sign on top of it. I pop out on a deserted side street.

Xander comes out behind me like I knew he would.

“It’s just a performance, Ava.”

“I know.” Didn’t look like one though. But he doesn’t really owe me an explanation. All we’ve done is flirt and hold hands, and that shouldn’t mean as much to me as it does.

He runs a hand through his hair, takes two steps toward me, then stops. “No, you don’t.” He sighs. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. I should have known better. I’ve been performing for so long, I don’t even think about it anymore. You’re new to this. In the beginning, it’s harder to separate yourself from the performer. When you’ve been doing it for four years…” He pauses. “I’m not myself up there. I’m just a machine giving them what they want and collecting the power I need.” He closes the distance between us and takes my hand.

We stay like that for a moment, and I try to be content, but the leftover adrenaline from the show won’t let me.

Finally, Xander drops my hand and steps away from me. “Want to go back in?”

I shake my head and lean against the side of the wall. “I just need a minute alone.”

He hesitates, and I hate the scrutiny in his eyes, so I smile. I wait until the door clicks shut behind him before I leave.

I don’t have my backpack or my stake, but for once I don’t care, because vampires aren’t the things that are haunting me.

CHAPTER 13