“She’s a natural,” Xander says. “Practically one of us.”

His words make me flush in a new way, not with embarrassment but with something else harder to understand.

“Hey, do you two want to meet the rest of the troupe backstage?”

Backstage, where all the magic can be picked apart and I can puzzle out how he does what he does. I doubt I’ll find anything while the show’s not going on, but I can hope.

“I’d love to,” the other girl blurts out as she shoots me a look I’m not sure how to read.

Xander smiles at the girl, but it seems tight. Then again, maybe I’m seeing what I want to see.

I don’t want to go backstage with her. I don’t even want to go backstage with Xander. Not without the show going on. What I want is to be right on the sidelines again. I want to be part of the tricks, not the one being tricked.

There’s a twinkle in Xander’s eyes that says he’d love nothing more than to trick me.

“I’m actually not feeling well,” I say.

“Do you need a ride or anything?” Xander glances at the black watch on his wrist. “There’s another act coming up, but they don’t need me.”

I ignore the little thrill in my belly. Now I really do feel sick.

“I’m good,” I say.

He looks disappointed.

My heart’s beating way too fast as I head for the door, but I don’t push my way out into the familiar night. I’m tired of the familiar. All the magic and all the good memories of my parents that it brings has me bursting with want. I turn back around. The bird girl and Xander are both still talking to their fans. But Xander’s watching me like he hasn’t taken his eyes off me since I walked away. His expression is odd, like he’s relieved to see me coming back, and then his lips quirk at the corners in a way that makes my stomach flip, and I glance behind me like he must be looking at someone else. His grin widens when I look back at him. I nod in response and take a seat like I’m staying for the rest of the show. I stay there until he looks back at whoever he’s talking to. When I’m sure he’s not tracking me anymore, I get up and stroll through the crowd until I’m at the door that leads backstage. I slide it open and step into a dingy hallway with a naked bulb lighting it. The hallway leads to a back room, and to my left are stairs that head to the side of the stage. I take them two at a time until I’m standing just behind the side curtains. In the center of the stage is a giant tank of water. Maybe the next trick’s an escape artist like Houdini.