“I know why you did it.”

“Then you understand why I’m not sorry.” Aristelle’s expression is hard.

We stare at each other in silence for a moment.

“Ava,” Xander begins.

I turn my glare on Xander before he can say anything else. “I told you to stop saying my name.”

He leans back in his chair like he wants to sink into it.

I glance around at all of them. Reina and Diantha both look wounded, like I’ve hurt them and not the other way around, Aristelle looks ready for a fight, and Xander just looks sad. His usual buoyancy is deflated. I’ve only ever seen him charming or fierce, and I wonder if I ever really saw him. I thought he was the fairy-tale knight I needed, but he was the trapped damsel that was desperate for rescue, even if the rescuer got hurt in the process.

But now we all need to rescue one another.

I need them to be the people who had my back.

I swallow, and it’s hard and painful. “I need to know if you can be on my side again.”

Aristelle and Xander share a look. Diantha bites her lower lip with worry in her eyes.

“Of course,” Reina says at the same time Aristelle says, “It depends.”

That hurts. They were willing to do anything to make sure nothing happened to their little family, and Aristelle’s words just confirm that I’m not part of that. I was never part of that. They got what they wanted from me.

I can’t stop the little well of tears in my eyes. I turn away and blink, and I’m not sure if I can bear to look at them anymore. This was a mistake. I start to leave when a familiar hand grips mine. I hate how right it feels, warm and secure, but not in a romantic way—that easy way you can grab a friend’s hand and tug them along with you.

So I turn back to Xander. I let him see the tears in my eyes.

“You hurt me,” I say. “All of you.” Because I’m tired of hiding my hurt. I wish I could go back in time to that day with James and June. They hugged us like they were just saying bye for a little while. Parker cried. I kept my tears from falling, though, but I wish I’d told them that it hurt, that they had come into my life just to leave a gaping wound, but they weren’t going to stick around to see it. They certainly weren’t going to stick around to heal it.