My chest splits with sorrow for Diantha… and also for me.

“We thought you were with us—that you were here for all of us, and I didn’t need to take it that step further—but when we found out you were getting close to Roman…”

Xander kissed me the next day. He went all in because they thought I was going to walk.

“So you pretended to like me.” I nod. He was the bait. “But I liked Roman,” I add. I want him to know that he never had me, not really—that my heart was always pulling me in a different direction.

Xander sighs. “I know.”

I slap him. He takes it and says nothing.

My eyes sting, and I fight the tears. I almost never cry, and this makes twice in one hour.

I want to hate him, and I do, but I also understand him. How many people would I lead over the edge of a cliff if it meant keeping Parker safe? It wouldn’t even be a choice. I would do it again and again. And that’s how my father keeps his control.

“Did you know Lucius was my father?”

He somehow looks more ashamed at this. “Yes. We were tasked with watching you, and when Roman scared off our apprentice so close to the competition, well… we knew right where you were. We thought you had to have a lot of power—that it wouldn’t be a death sentence for you to not have the same amount of training. And we were right. You can win this, Ava.”

His confidence means nothing to me. I don’t need anything from him.

He takes a deep breath. “I need to know what you plan to do.”

I bark out a violent laugh I don’t recognize. He didn’t come here to check on me or apologize. He came to see if I would still fight for him. Because he knows I’m powerful. He doesn’t know I broke the barrier spell, but he probably suspects I have it in me to actually get out—even if I won’t get very far.

“I’m not asking just for myself,” he adds. “If you leave, it’ll be Aristelle in that garden.”

Despite everything, the thought of her tangled in those vines twists my gut. The swallow I take is full of knives. They scrape down my throat and leave a gurgling trail of blood in their wake.

In my mind, the vines in the garden of death are already creeping around my ankles, and part of me wants them to just take me and be done with it. A larger part of me wants to ruffle Parker’s hair again. I hope he still lets me. I hope I still get that chance.

So I will stay and fight, because there is no other choice.

But I want to make Xander suffer.