I search for the magic, the ever-present hum under my skin. Silence answers me. Cold silence. I think I’m whimpering. Not really whimpering. It’s more of a sharp, animal keening.

Xander touches my stomach—at least I think it’s him—still nothing.

“Heal her.” Roman’s here too, his voice tight but calm.

“I can’t!” Xander yells. At least I think he yells. Everything sounds fuzzy. “Lucius is blocking me.”

Voices wave in and out.

“I care because I want a fair fight. This isn’t one,” Roman is saying.

I can’t hear the replies of whoever he’s talking to.

“You won’t have a show without her,” he says.

Xander turns his head toward the conversation.

I take in Xander’s profile like it’s the last time I’ll see it. Then he pushes away from me.

Lucius takes his place. I try to focus on his cruel blue eyes, but my own just want to close. I fight it.

“I won’t do this a second time. For anyone.” I’m not sure if the words are for me or not, but then the magic scorches, and I do not care.

I scream until I’m nothing.

I wake up in my bed, flat on my back. I roll to my side and moan.

Reina and Diantha stand up from the two window chairs and come to my side.

“What happened?” Why is there so much pain? If I healed properly, there shouldn’t be any at all.

“You blacked out. Even Lucius couldn’t make the magic fully heal you.” Reina’s face darkens. “At least that’s what he said.”

“You’ll live, though,” Diantha adds softly.

But he wanted to leave me bleeding out on the stage. Why? To give everyone a better show? Or because I couldn’t find the magic to heal myself? Did I doubt it would heal me? Maybe, for just a moment, before I pulled out the dagger. One second of doubt, but that second must have been enough.

The hum of it is back now. I feel it there beneath the surface, but now fear creeps under my skin, tainting it, poisoning it so I won’t know again whether to trust it or not. I shake myself. Trust is necessary to survive.

“How long was I out?”

“It’s only been about fifteen minutes.”

Wincing, I throw my feet off the bed. “Where’s Xander?” I’m surprised he’s not here. I won’t soon forget the panic on his face as he crouched over me.

Reina and Diantha exchange a look.

Diantha answers, “He went after Ethan after we brought you here.”

“What?” I push to my feet, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from cringing.

“Don’t worry,” Reina offers. “Roman went with him.”

“What?” My voice goes up an octave. I take an unsteady step toward the door, struggling to find my balance.