I don’t want to think about that—moments when I felt something for him too. “How has nobody found you out? Especially during the annual gathering?”

“Money. I only drink magician blood. As I explained, there’s a whole underground blood market. And it doesn’t need to be Society blood. There are plenty of other magicians out there using their magic that don’t belong to the Society. Some of them make a living building their magic and selling their blood. It’s expensive, but vampires drinking magician blood feel like a magician to the senses, can do magic like a magician, can walk in the sun. There’s no way to tell.” He holds up the cuff on his wrist. “This thing still works. I can still tap that power somehow, and it lets me past the barrier spell. I drive out of town to feed, so nobody feels an odd burst of power from me, but even if they did, I could say it was me practicing magic. There’s shockingly little difference between a vampire and a magician.”

I don’t know how to feel about that last part.

“Will you keep my secret?”

“I don’t know.” It’s the best I can do. “But I want you to go.”

He pauses for a second like he’s waiting for me to change my mind, but all I want right now is to not look at him. I close my eyes until I hear him walk past me. Then I twist to watch him as he pauses with his back to me. He doesn’t turn around again, just waits, like he’s giving me another chance to end him if I need to.

I won’t. It wouldn’t help. Killing him wouldn’t make me forget how much I wanted his lips against mine. If it would, I might actually do it.

His shoulders rise and fall with a heavy breath, and then he walks away.

Some part of me wants to run after him, but that’s not who I raised myself to be. Instead, I focus on the fading sound of ocean waves and let it pull that thought out to sea.

I tuck my stakes into my jacket—Roman’s jacket—and run back to the crowd. Something tells me Roman’s still watching me. He wouldn’t leave me alone out here. But I can also feel it, like his sadness is a hand on my arm.

Maybe I should have taken one more thing from him: a ride back. I can’t exactly Uber to a hidden compound on an unnamed road with no address.

I pull out my phone and light up the screen as I push between groups of teens laughing and jostling each other. I have only one troupe member’s number in my phone: Xander.

He’s going to hate this.

He picks up on the first ring.

“Ava?”

“I need a ride.”