His nonanswer tells me he’s still trying to scare me, but even if his sister was the only casualty in all these years, that’s not nothing. So I do consider walking away, but he’s right. I am reckless. Every dark alley I’ve looked down was me sticking my neck out, knowing I might get bit but doing it anyway because I needed some type of closure, no matter the risk. Am I really going to stop now? I thought I could live without it, but if that were the case, I’d be back in my pastel room at Deb’s, waiting for Parker to remember it’s movie night, and I’d be content with that.

But I’m here, and I’m not like Roman’s sister. “You said Xander didn’t train her well, but he’s been training me every day since I joined.”

“He’s different with you,” Roman grits out, like it kills him to admit it. “Not that it excuses them bringing you in at the last minute, but with Beatrice, it was three years ago—Xander’s first year in the Society. Beatrice would go on and on about how many vampires they killed. They trained her for their obsession, not the competition. They wrapped her up in their bloodlust and made her think she was serving some higher purpose.”

“But they don’t let me hunt vampires.”

“Then maybe they learned their lesson.”

“But you’re training me for that.”

He glares at me for suggesting that he’s like them in some way. “I’m training you for everything. I’m not letting you die in this competition either,” he bites out.

His expression is so firm, I believe him. It calms my rolling stomach.

He clears his throat. “For me, the vampire killing came after the competition,” he says. “I killed them without a second thought. It seemed noble enough, and I needed an outlet for my anger. But one day I found this girl curled up in an alley just waiting to die.” He shakes his head. “There are plenty of ways for vampires to get the blood they need to survive without killing: a willing partner, underground vampire bars with voluntary donors, and it’s fairly easy to buy blood bags. But the last two cost money, so for some vampires who were turned against their will and don’t have someone looking out for them, they have two options: take what they want from victims or die. She was obviously choosing to die.… It takes a lot of strength to let yourself die even when the alternative is harming others, and I was trained to let her or maybe even finish the job for her. But when I crept up beside her and she looked at me, I didn’t see any evil. I just saw something broken, so I scooped her up, took her home, and… I gave her my blood.”