Roman nods, like that’s good enough, before giving me a hard look. “I need to teach you one more thing.” He says it with a trace of reluctance.

I almost joke with him. I almost tell him not to be sad our time is over, that we can still be best friends. The seriousness on his face kills the words on my tongue as he says, “I need to teach you to heal.”

“No,” I say. “You know how I feel about that.”

“I don’t, actually. You didn’t explain.”

I swallow. My throat burns like I’m gulping down sand. “A vampire killed my mom. I don’t want anything to do with them or their kind of magic.”

He nods like he already expected as much. “Why do you assume the blood magic is evil? What’s evil about healing yourself or others?”

“Vampires use it.” That feels like evidence enough.

“Why are you assuming vampires are evil?”

“They killed my mom.”

“One,” he says. “One killed your mom. People kill people all the time. That doesn’t mean all of them are evil.”

“But they all kill people to live. They’re monsters.”

“They do not.”

“But Xander said—”

Roman’s voice drops so low I can barely hear him over the rumble of the waves. “I don’t give a damn what Xander said. Xander buys into whatever the Society tells him.”

“But you killed the vampire,” I remind him. “You’re teaching me to kill them too.”

“I killed the vampire that was trying to kill you. I’m training you to defend yourself because I’ve already seen that you’re reckless enough to walk around at night like bait. I have no qualms about killing an actual killer. But not every vampire is one.”

“How do you know?”

“What?”

“You have a lot of vampire friends?”

Roman looks away from me, out into the dark and endless ocean behind us. In the moonlight, I can just make out the tension in his eyes and the way his jaw is so tight that it seems like his teeth could break.

I take a step back from him. “You loved one.” It comes out harsh, like an accusation, because I mean it like that. I take another step back.

“Wait.” He doesn’t try to follow me, but his normally firm voice breaks like a wave against a rock, and for some reason, that’s enough to stop me. “Let me tell you.”

I’m still tempted to turn around and forget about him and go back to Xander. I don’t want my hatred for vampires to be complicated. It’s been my fuel for so many years that I’m not sure who I’d be if some of it got stripped away. But for the first time in my life, I feel like I owe someone something, so I nod.