“I’m not going to stand here and make excuses. I do what I do because I LIKE IT! Why is that so hard to understand?”

She stared at me. I forced myself to calm down and walked toward her.

“I’m not a fixer-upper, Sabrina,” I said. “I come as is.”

She just sat at the fire and looked down. I couldn’t figure out if she heard me or if she was disappointed. I looked down at the ground and saw something. It looked like a white stick. I leaned down and cursed my luck, my strange, strange luck.

On the ground, undamaged and lying there waiting for me to pick it up, was a perfectly rolled joint.

I leaned over and picked it up. Sabrina was looking at me.

“I swear to you,” I said smiling, “I didn’t bring it.”

Sabrina shook her head and laughed a light breathy laugh. Then she patted the space next to her with her hand. I walked over and sat down.

I held up the joint. “I think it’s a sign.”

Sabrina laughed. “From who, Cheech and Chong?”

She looked at me until I began to feel nervous and added, “I’m just worried about you.”

I stuck the joint between my lips and said, “I appreciate that, but I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time. I’m fine.”

I lit the joint, took a long smooth hit, and then offered it to Sabrina. “Come to my side, little girl,” I coughed. “Join us!”

She grabbed it and took several short puffs. A second later she hacked and a huge plume of smoke rose from her like exhaust from a locomotive. It was a monster hit.

“Damn,” I said and took the smoke for myself while she hacked and coughed.

She had one or two more hits after that, but I smoked most of it and it felt damn good. The shakes calmed and the sweating stopped. Now all I needed was a ride back to civilization and I’d be fine. But that wasn’t in the plan. Evidently we were still going to sit around the fire and chat. I did my best to play along, but human relationships are not my strong point.

It didn’t help that Sabrina was a casual weed smoker. She acted like a cartoon drunk, wavering from serious to clown-like giddy in the span of two seconds.

Then she had an idea.

“Let’s read the bear safety pamphlet they gave us!”