She felt this. And it was terrifying.

Because what if she never felt okay again?

This was what she’d been protecting herself from all of her life. She hadn’t wanted to feel the grief of the loss of her mother, because it might never end. She hadn’t wanted to be soft because then she might be easily damaged.

She hadn’t wanted to be in love, because she might lose it.

But she couldn’t stop this, and she couldn’t cover it. So she had to live in it. Pain broke over her like a wave, as intense as any pleasure that Gabe had ever given her.

This, she realized, was strength.

Opening your heart even when it might be wounded. Feeling all this, even when it might bring only pain. It was the one thing that Gabe wouldn’t allow himself to do.

He was a coward.

But at the moment she envied him just a little bit. Because he was still standing, and she was the one crying by the road.

But in the end, she was the one who was strong. And he was still hiding.

Though at the moment that was cold comfort, indeed.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

GABE DIDN’T HAVE any time to overthink the way Jamie had left earlier. He had shit to do...

Ellie came by his office with a folder filled with information and program ideas.

“I talked to some people down at the district, and they’re very supportive of the program. They have some suggested students already. Meanwhile, I’ve put inquiries out elsewhere and there are some parents and officials who also have kids they’d like to have here. Rather than doing detention, what they would like to do is get the kids who earn what would typically be referrals into doing ranch work for two hours after school. They would bus them over, and what you would have to do is basically do work training. An outdoor art class is another thought, working with various mediums. Eventually, when you have kind of a halfway house set up, I would be able to teach classes. The boys could go part-time to Gold Valley High and to the middle school, and they could go part-time here. What we would do is kind of a hands-on project-based learning. Alternative education.”

“Hell, I would’ve liked that better than school,” he said.

“I think it will work great. This is the funding available through the grant that I got to hire an art teacher.” She presented a figure that made Gabe’s eyebrows rise.

“Not bad,” he said.

“I’ll say. So we’ll have to find somebody that’s well versed in various mediums. I also like someone who’s not completely unfamiliar with these kinds of kids. It’s going to be a lot of back talk and possibly harassment.”

“Well, we’ll make sure whoever we choose has been sufficiently warned. They’ll definitely be well compensated.”

“Yeah,” she agreed.

“Thanks for doing this,” he said.

“No problem. It’s nice to have something to do again. I’ve been... I don’t know. Amelia and I have sufficient money to live on for a while, thanks to the insurance settlement we got. But I need more. Right now a traditional teaching job isn’t the most practical.”