David sleeps poorly again. Takes first shower in the morning, but makes it quick so no one runs out of hot water. Eats cereal for the first time since he was a child, even though he knows it’s too late to fit in.

Jake drives him to the airport. David looks out the window the whole way so he doesn’t have to look at Jake’s face, see whatever disappointment must be there.

“Thanks for coming,” Jake says when they get to Departures. “Give me a call to let me know you got home safe?”

“Okay,” David says, wondering if that’s something Jake actually wants him to do, or if he’s just saying that to be polite.

He tries to sleep on the flight, should be able to, considering the fractured nights of sleep he’s had, but he can’t. No window to look out of this time, sitting in the aisle, so he just pages blankly through his phone, barely seeing it. He can imagine what the Lourdes are asking Jake now that David’s gone, ‘why do you even like him?’. It’s something David has wondered himself. Jake could probably pick anyone, and for some reason he chose David.

David knows he’s — he knows he’s considered attractive, he’s heard it enough, both genuine and the ‘pretty boy’ he knows is meant as a barb, but Jake’s a millionaire at twenty, captain of his hockey team, talented, famous. He could have anyone, and he wouldn’t even have to hide it if he chose to date a girl. His family’s probably asking him why he’s wasting his time, and David doubts Jake has an answer. Not a good one, at any rate.

David texts Jake when he lands. He’s still not sure Jake wants David to call, and even if he does, it isn’t appropriate to call him from the airport, the back of the cab he takes home. His phone buzzes in his pocket during the drive, but David waits to pull it out until he’s gotten inside, dropped his bags, sat down on his couch. It’s so quiet in his apartment.

glad to hear talk soon? Jake has responded, and David wonders if that’s the last he’s going to hear from him for a while. He wouldn’t blame Jake if it was.

Okay., David replies, and then puts his phone on the coffee table, shuts his eyes. It doesn’t buzz again. He wasn’t expecting it to.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

David trains hard the next day. He feels off, detached from his body, and three straight days off, poor sleep, an unfamiliar bed, they all contribute to it, he’s sure, but they’re not an excuse.