Paula’s eyes flew open. She had a momentary panic when she couldn’t think where she was, then, as she recognised the hospital room, she slowly uncurled her body. Every muscle resisted. She felt as if she’d been asleep for a long time but the clock on the wall showed it had only been an hour.

Carefully she eased herself off the bed. The door behind her opened and Dan rushed in.

He hugged her to him and she slumped limply in his arms.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“I managed.”

“You did a wonderful job, Sweet Pea. He’s amazing.”

She pulled away without looking at him. “I’ve got to go to the bathroom.”

“Of course. As soon as you’re done, we’ll go and see our baby.”

Paula washed her hands and gritted her teeth against the pain. Lachlan had said she had a little tear and there was no need for stitches but the pain was intense. She wondered how long she could hide in the bathroom before someone would come and drag her out. Dan would probably stick his head around the door any minute. She didn’t want to explain her pain to him. Besides, she had to keep a watch on the baby. There was no time to worry about Dan. Reluctantly, she turned off the water and dried her hands. What was she going to say to him? Her emotions seesawed from nothing to anger in the space of a minute.

She drew in a breath and pushed open the door. Dan was lying on her bed sound asleep. Relieved that she could avoid him a little longer, she moved quietly past him and slipped into the corridor.

The nurse wanted her to try to feed again. It had all been simple straight after the birth. Claire had passed her the baby and his little mouth had sought her breast. Now she felt like a different person and she couldn’t connect the little being in the crib with the baby that she had carried inside her.

Once again they wrapped him up and put him to her breast. She felt all fingers and thumbs trying to get him attached. She worried she would disconnect a vital monitor. With some assistance, she finally got him to attach but he didn’t suck for long.

“Early babies can tire easily. We’ll let him rest again. You’re doing a good job, Mum.”

Paula stood, watching her baby closely. She was far too uncomfortable to stay in the chair for long. The staff came and went around her, chatting, checking monitors and scribbling notes. They encouraged her to touch the baby and talk to him but Paula felt disconnected, almost as if she was watching this happen to someone else.

She tensed as Dan put an arm around her.

“Isn’t he awesome? The nurse told me they don’t think he’s five weeks prem.”