“Have you talked to Liam?”

“Uh.” I hesitated. “Yes, but not about the past.”

“Right.” He scoffed. “Let me guess. He still won’t listen?”

That pretty much summed it up, but I hadn’t exactly tried to press the matter recently either.

“I thought so,” he said when I didn’t answer. “Why don’t you come home for Christmas, Kenz? It feels wrong not having you here.”

I pursed my lips. “It’s a bit late for that.”

“Not if you buy a plane ticket and leave right now.”

He had a point, but timing wasn’t the only thing holding me back.

“I need to be here. I know it doesn’t make sense to you, and I’m sorry if you feel responsible for the family’s Christmas, but I can’t come back now.”

“Hmm.” He didn’t say anything for so long that I checked to make sure the call was still connected. “What about if we all fly over there? It’d be difficult to get flights for all four of us, but not impossible.”

For a moment, my heart filled with longing. I’d love to see them all and to be at the center of a family hug, but I knew Blair was only doing this because he was concerned about me. The others wouldn’t appreciate being asked to board a flight with no warning. Especially not Mina, who was terrified of flying.

“That’s really sweet, but you guys stay there. I’m a big girl. I can manage one day by myself.”

He sighed. “I don’t like it.”

“Blair….”

“Fine.” He wasn’t happy, but he was accepting my decision. “Love you, Kenz.”

“I love you too, baby brother.”

Chapter Sixteen

KENNEDY

Merry Christmas Liam,

This was our first Christmas without Mom and Malcolm. I didn’t know what to do. It seemed like we were all missing them, and I wasn’t sure whether to talk about them or try to distract the others with fun and games. I couldn’t make up my mind, so I discussed it with Blair, and we decided for a bit of both. In the morning, we had presents and pancakes, and the younger kids played. Then, in the evening, we sat together, and each said something we missed from Christmas with our parents. There were a lot of tears.

I’m still not sure if I made the right decision. I feel like every day is a battle not to do anything that will screw them up. It’s so hard. For a brief moment, I wished I was with you instead, enjoying a summer Christmas under the sun, without a care in the world. I felt so disloyal. I love these kids more than anything, but it’s so hard to keep it together when I’m crumbling inside.

Love,

K xx

“Merry Christmas,” I said as Grace opened the door.