“Fantasy baseball, in particular, is something an AI can get excited about. So many statistics! So many variables, and permutations! And there are so many variables which can’t be completely quantified! As far as your species knows, anyway. It’s too late in the season for me to create a fantasy football team, but I can’t wait for baseball season to start. Will you stake me the money to sign up?”

I blinked slowly, trying to run that concept through my brain. Skippy, who could break into any bank computer system on the planet, steal a couple billion dollars, and cover his tracks so well that no one would ever realize the money was missing, wanted to borrow fifty bucks from me? “Uh, I don’t have any cash on me, but the Army owes me back pay, so, sure, I can spot you some cash. How many fantasy leagues do you want to join?”

“All of them.”

“All of them?”

“All the ones that are online. I’ll set up a submind here to run my teams after we depart on the Dutchman. Why not? This is going to be so great! Man, I am going to slay at this game!”

“I don’t know about-“

"And just wait 'till you see my March Madness bracket. Also, I want to go to Vegas, baby! Oooooh, I could totally clean up at the blackjack table. And poker? Fuggetaboutit. Those mooks won’t know what hit them.”

I stared at his shiny lid in disbelief. I had created a monster. “Skippy, you can’t go hanging around Vegas.”

“Why not? I won’t enjoy the booze and the hookers, but gambling is my wheelhouse!” Skippy had picked up way too much slang on the internet. “I know, I know, your stupid government wants to keep me secret. You can put me in your pocket, and I’ll tell you what to do. I can remotely vibrate your eardrums, so no one else can hear me. I’ll make it worth your while; you can keep all the money, I just want the action. And I can get you all the hookers you can handle.”

“Skippy! I don’t need hookers!”

“Really? When’s the last time you got some tail? Been a looooong dry spell, huh, cowboy? All work and no play, makes Joey a dull boy.”

“No hookers!”

“Hmm. Joe, you have managed to surprise me. You don’t like girls? That’s not what your profile-”