Dildo marched over, the sports bag slung over one shoulder, and knocked on the countertop. ‘Shop.’

Ma looked up from ‘CELLULITE BIKINI BODIES SHOCKER!’ and a huge smile spread across her huge face. ‘Mr Mair, how nice to see you again. Would you. . .’ Her eyes drifted across to Logan, then her scarlet lips parted in a wet O, like a bullet hole. ‘Sergeant McRae, we haven’t seen you in ages! Oh, what happened to your poor face? ’ She closed her magazine, then reached across the counter and pinched his cheek. ‘You’re skin and bone! That’ll never do.’

The cover had a photo of Nichole Fyfe on it, posing in her witch-finder’s costume. ‘NICHOLE’S TROUBLED PAST: “ACTING SAVED ME FROM A LIFE OF CRIME”’ in lurid Helvetica.

Dildo hefted the sports bag up onto the counter. ‘We need to talk.’

But Ma wasn’t looking at him. She turned towards the back of the shop and took a deep breath. ‘Janice! Janice, put the kettle on: the police are here. And see if we’ve got any rowies left, poor Sergeant McRae’s wasting away.’

The replica sword glittered in the overhead strip-lights. ‘You recognize this? ’ Dildo clunked it next to the sports bag, then went back in and came out with a dittay book. ‘How about this? ’

A little old man shuffled out of the door behind the counter, hands dug deep into the pockets of a shapeless cardigan. He’d wedged a Witchfire baseball cap onto his head, far enough down to make the tops of his ears stick out at right angles. He blew his nose on a tatty grey hanky. ‘Dougie says we’re running out of blanks.’

Ma patted him on one sloping shoulder. ‘I’ll chase the suppliers up. Everything else all right? ’

‘We’re doing Peggy’s birthday cake in a minute – her daughter’s picking her up at quarter past for a day’s shopping in Dundee. Takes all sorts.’ He folded up the hanky and stuck it back in his pocket. ‘You want to come sing? ’

A big smile. ‘Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Just let me see to these nice police officers, and I’ll be right through.’ Then she mouthed, ‘Police!’ at him.

He just stared at her.

Dildo plonked the pricking dagger, witch-finder’s badge, T-shirts and caps down in front of Ma. ‘Care to explain these? ’

Her thick fingers drummed on the counter, gold and diamond rings shining. ‘These. . .? Sorry, I really have no idea what you’re talking about. Now, how about a nice cup of tea? ’

‘How many times do we have to have the talk, Ma? You can’t counterfeit other people’s merchandise.’

‘How about a slice of birthday cake? It’s a Victoria sponge, Janice makes the best—’

‘I’ve got a warrant.’

Her face sagged around a scarlet pout. ‘But I’ve not done anything wrong. . .’