‘We’ll get him picked up, do him for assaulting a police officer – or what passes for one these days – and get him off the streets for a year or two. Can’t be bad, can it? ’ She tore open the sachets and squeezed them into the roll. ‘Should’ve let him punch you in the face ages ago.’

‘Have you not got flying monkeys to train or something? ’

Another bite left her with a smear of white on her cheek. ‘Where are we with the necklace guy? ’

‘No witnesses. The Joyriders’ Graveyard isn’t exactly on the beaten track, which was probably the point. We ran a check on all the burned-out cars. . .’ He waved a hand at his in-tray, then tipped his head back again. ‘Report’s on the top.’

‘Very good. Want to give me the quick version? ’

Sigh. ‘Forgot your glasses, did you? ’

‘Don’t need sodding glasses. Nothing wrong with my eyes, I’m just busy: so summarize.’

‘DVLA gave us plates to match the chassis numbers. Got DS Chalmers to check out the registered keepers on the police national computer.’

A yawn. ‘God, the suspense is killing me.’

‘A couple with form for drunk and disorderly. One guy’s done four years for assault. There’s nothing more than a handful of parking tickets between the rest of them.’

‘ID on the victim? ’

‘Face is gone, and his hands were chained behind him so the tyre dripped burning rubber all over them. They’re scorched; apparently we might get a partial off what’s left of the right thumb, but no one’s holding their breath. We could try matching dental records, but for that—’

‘We’d need to know who he was in the first place.’ Steel chewed in silence, scowling out of the window. ‘Do you have any idea what the CID budget’s like right now? Can’t buy a bag of crisps without the ACC’s say so. And you know what he’s like.’ She dropped her voice an octave and put on a posh Morningside accent. ‘I can assure you, Roberta, that the press are only too happy to make Grampian Police look like idiots on this. I would appreciate your team not helping them out on that front. We need a swift and decisive result!’ She let out a long wet raspberry. ‘Like we’re sitting about on our bumholes doing sod all about it.’

‘What do you mean, “we”? ’