“Whichever way I look at it, I feel like a sparrow caught in a hurricane,” she concluded. Her hands gripped the ceramic cup. “Since hopping on my jet is out of the question, is there any way for me to leave China with Lulu?”

He took her hand and examined her palm for a long time. Did he see the losses? Nola's heart thumped as he turned her hand over and ran his index finger over the bluish veins. His touch left tingles of electric shocks in its wake. Then he brought her hand to his lips and kept it there, his eyes closed. Nola caught her breath, wanting to bring her face closer, restraining herself.

He lowered her hand, but kept it on the couch between them, staring at their joined fingers as though imprinting their touching in his memory. When he finally raised his gaze, she saw a depth of untold sadness. And she understood. Kate. He wasn’t ready. Not yet. Some day, perhaps, after he’d healed—perhaps even cleansed himself of the hatred he must feel toward the butchers of his dreams. But not now.

And she would not take a place in line after a dead woman who was still alive in his heart. Nola slid her hand from under his.

Finally he spoke. “I can’t get you and Lulu out without great risks. There’s nothing that’s safer than staying put—albeit in daily danger—and trying to get things straightened out legally.”

In her mind’s eye, Nola saw herself trekking for weeks through the Himalayas, drinking goat’s milk, and fighting bandits with dark, hungry eyes who brandished machetes—only to find herself arriving in an arid part of Pakistan or India, or whatever it was that lay beyond Tibet…. It wasn’t worth even consulting a map. It was no less dangerous than the former Soviet state where Daniel's fiancée and their unborn baby had been murdered.

“Even if I can’t escape now, I wish I could cancel this tour and hide. But the show must go on. The show must go on. It’s been drilled into me for as long as I can remember.”

She bit her lip. A new game plan had been forced on her. What were her options if she couldn’t sing and couldn’t escape? She imagined weeks and months in China’s countryside. She saw herself moving from one small town to another, picking food in fields, washing her own clothes in the river, and caring for Lulu while trying to avoid detection. She’d cut her hair, color it black, and iron it straight, as her mother used to do in the seventies.

Nola rose and paced around the room. “I won’t even leave this apartment. If Ming-Ji agrees, that is. I’ll coop up with Lulu in this place for as long as it takes.”

CHAPTER 25

CHAPTER 25