“No, I don’t need an inhaler,” she says quickly, and I can’t entirely hide my smile. She’s always amused me even though at times I’d like to lock her in her room for the rest of her life and board up the windows. My mum insists it’s because we’re both headstrong and very similar, but I’m nothing like this spawn of Satan.

“Nice try,” I say. I tap the table consideringly and then push the toy towards her. “Meeting is called to order. The floor is yours, Anya. Let us sit and play soft music and discuss the ins and outs of handcuffing yourself to railings.”

She glares at me. “It was totally justified.”

I groan. “That invariably means it wasn’t.”

“Misha, you don’t understand,” she says passionately. “Your generation have fucked up the world, and now it’s our turn to fight for what’s right.”

“My generation. I’m twenty-seven. My fossil fuel days are still a ways ahead of me. I haven’t finished being flippant about alcohol consumption yet.”

“Mum, Misha is being sarcastic,” Anya immediately says.

“Mum, Anya is being belligerent,” I counter.

Charlie snorts, and I shake my head to clear it of childish retorts. “So, how many other people got suspended with you, Anya? Please tell me it was your entire school year.” She mumbles something and I put my hand to my ear. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you said it was just you and Laura Saunders. Where were all the other eco warriors?”

“It was drama class,” she says sulkily. “And they were casting for the end-of-year play.”

“Well, what about Laura Saunders? Doesn’t she do drama?” my mum asks.

“She had PE but she’s on her period and didn’t want to go swimming.”

“Oh, the young and their social conscience,” I mutter.

Anya throws her hands up. “I knew you wouldn’t understand. It’s such a shame that you’re not like Charlie.”

My mum sighs almost mournfully, and I narrow my eyes at her. “Wait. Are you agreeing with her?”

“Not at all,” my mum says quickly and entirely unconvincingly. I stare at her and she folds. “Charlie is lovely though. You have to admit it. And you’re very sardonic at the best of times.”

I shoot Charlie a look and he winks cheekily which makes me smile even though I don’t want to.

I turn back to the table to find all three of them smiling at me. “What?” I say defensively.

“Nothing,” Teddy says and they all nod as if they’re synchronising themselves for the idiot Olympics.

I knock on the table. “So, you’re suspended for two days. How lovely, Anya. What will you do with yourself? Maybe you could go and harvest some rare owl semen to save them from extinction or, I don’t know, maybe do your homework.”