Anyway, this is what I want to say on this machine here. It’s what I’ve started to say to you, Aki, on different occasions but you always cut me off, call me a silly thing and change the subject. This is for you.

I want it to be clear that I have never harmed Ela. I wouldn’t and couldn’t. Jealousy can kill, I know that. It can eat away at the one who harbours it. It can be the death of the one who may be on the receiving end of it. It can damage their offspring.

In the past, I had unkind and unwarranted thoughts regarding Ela. I’ve been uppish and righteous, but I have to tell you that hard jealousy didn’t come in to it – neither the deep, affecting kind which can knock people down in their tracks or damage a family lineage, nor any lesser kind. No. I have never knowingly harmed others, never ill-wished anyone, never uttered a swear word in all my life, never called anyone a bad name. Though I’ve experienced dislike, I’ve never experienced hatred.

There’s a cousin on my father’s side, named Hariata. You remember her. She was one of the chosen ones, like you, Aki. From the time she was a baby, she was taken to every meeting and gathering by the old people. She was like one of those old ones herself. Once she turned five, she was regularly taken out of school to attend tangihanga, land meetings and other important events. As you were, Aki. She stood behind the old women when they called visitors on to their home marae, and walked directly behind them when they crossed other people’s domain as visitors.

Like you, Aki. She was made to sit through all proceedings, whether they were for a day, two days or longer. She didn’t play with other children during these times. As she became older, she didn’t help with food preparation and was criticised by her age group because of this. Instead her work was confined to preparing the wharenui for visitors. It involved sweeping, dusting off cobwebs, laying out mattresses and placing pillows in exact positions.

She had an aunt, twenty years older than her, who was particularly jealous, venomous in her criticism. This aunt had never been encouraged to learn the art of karanga from her elders. In fact, she was probably thought unsuitable because of her belligerent manner.