It was nearly six and the judge still hadn’t come back. Another half hour and I was free to drop off my mobile home and dart over to Banana Republic to buy a more appropriate suit for the next day.

I wondered if the panel had come to a decision on Dell Nelson. I’d caught a glimpse of Dell in court earlier that day. He had been sitting between two guards behind the podium, so I only saw him for a split second when he stood to leave the courtroom. He was not at all as I’d expected. Actually, I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, but whatever it was, it wasn’t that slight, smooth-skinned man with probing eyes. He didn’t seem angry, just a bit confused, which was probably how I’d feel if I’d spent my adult life on death row, fighting a sleeping lawyer. It was strange to think, however, that he was fighting not to be free of prison, but rather to remain there for decades. Talk about a will to live.

As I stood to have a heart-to-heart with myself in the bathroom, the phone rang. It had to be the judge. Nobody else ever called. Janet had gone home and Matthew was in a stupor, so I answered.

“Good afternoon, Judge Fried—”

“JAAAANNNNEEETTTT??!!!”

“Um, Judge, Janet’s left for the day. It’s—”

“Damn it! Nobody works around there. Who is this?”

“Ah, it’s She—”

“Oh! SHEEEILLLLLAAAAA!”

I was beginning to hate my name.

“I’m in a HOLE! I’m in a HOLE!”

Huh? I put my hand over the phone and beckoned Matthew to help.

“I AM IN A HOLE. DID YOU HEAR ME???!!!!” For the billionth time in less than ten hours, we exchanged looks of pure puzzlement.

“Judge, I’m sorry. I just don’t understand what you’re saying,” I admitted.

“ARE YOU DEAF? I was driving, now I’m in a hole on Market Street.” The woman thought “How are you?” was an irrational question but thought the words “I’m in a hole on Market Street” were self-explanatory. Sensing a meltdown on my part, Matthew generously grabbed the phone.

“Judge, hello, it’s Matthew.”

“Thank God, someone who can do something.”

“What do you need, Judge?”

“Call the marshal. I’m in a hole on Market and Seventh, right outside the building. I was driving and my car is in a hole. I need to be towed out.”

“OK, we’ll be there in a minute.” And with that, he hung up. “She’s apparently under the ground somewhere in her car. Let’s just get our things and go see what she’s talking about.”

By the time we got outside, it was like a scene from Law and Order. Camera crews everywhere. Police had the place surrounded, securing the site and directing people away from a massive hole in the street. Matthew grabbed one of them who had tried to shoo us away initially.

“Excuse me, sir. Our boss is down there. She just called us.” The cop looked at once confused and relieved. “Oh good, so you know whoever’s down there is OK?”