Suddenly I understood. I was going to die here and it didn’t matter what I did. This watery embrace was the last I would ever feel. And with that realisation came a great sense of peace. It would be easy. All I needed to do was take a great deep breath of water and it would be all over. It wasn’t so bad. It really wasn’t so bad. I think I might even have smiled.

The hand gripped me by the hair and pulled and the pain brought me back to myself. My lungs were on the brink of giving up but I held my breath just a little longer. And then my head was above water and I inhaled, the air sweet and clean and wonderful. I went under again and this time choked, before coming up once more, spluttering and spitting.

Aiden’s face was close to mine. He’d let go of my hair and he had an arm around my chest and up under my armpit. We went below the surface once more and I was so, so tired. I wanted to help him help me, but I didn’t know how. So I stayed limp and gave him control. He’d know what to do. Aiden always knows what to do.

When we hit the rock I thought I had broken every one of my ribs. The pain was intense, but like before it reminded me I was alive and that the alternative to pain wasn’t so good after all. I grabbed the rock and it was slippery and my fingers could barely find a hold. Aiden was wedged next to me and I could see on his face how he was thinking everything through. He watched as my grip slipped even more and both of us knew that if I was swept away he’d never be able to catch me. Not again. I couldn’t be saved twice. So I closed my eyes, held on as tightly as possible and prayed to a God I didn’t even know I believed in.

Something tightened round my neck and I opened my eyes. Aiden had somehow managed to get his life jacket off and he had looped it around the top of the rock, clicking the belt attachment closed around my neck, effectively tying me in place. My hold finally gave way and the swirling current churned me around, but I stayed fixed to the rock. I twisted some more, since I now couldn’t see my brother. How could he survive in this without a life jacket? I wasn’t sure I was going to and I had two. As I struggled to see, I felt an arm and I grabbed hold as it fell away from me. Then I found his fingers. Finally, I caught a glimpse of his face. It was scared and cut and his eyes found mine and maybe he tried to say something, I don’t know, because the water was boiling and the sound was deafening and my grip on him was loosening and I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t even cry out as a surge of water broke us apart and he disappeared, just disappeared; where once he had been, there was nothing now but churning white and hopelessness. I closed my eyes and screamed, but the world swallowed it.