I scrunched up my face and my free hand. “Yes, Mom. Yes.” I unclenched everything with the admission. “That’s why I’m calling. I … Mom, I’m scared. He’s broken. God, he’s so broken. I love him, and he’s even admitted he doesn’t trust his feelings. But now he’s saying he loves me. I know if I do this I’ll need to take a leap of faith, and I’m asking you, how did you know? Really, please, how did you know?” I blinked rapidly.

“That’s asking how you know the full moon is round. You just know. Do you know?” she asked.

“I think I do know. I know that he’s the person for me. But,” I drew in a fortifying breath, “nothing is forever guaranteed, even if I know.”

“Oh, honey.” She let out a long breath. “You mean because your dad died.”

I closed my eyes, squeezing out the tears that were waiting. “Yes. I—Xavier’s first wife died, Mom.” My voice broke. “I can’t imagine that kind of pain. He’s been through it. And it happened to you, Mom. And the next choice you made was Nicolas.” What if I am his Nicolas? “How can I take this chance when it’s not guaranteed. When he’s my right choice, but I could be his wrong choice? I’m so scared. It feels too big. I don’t know. Dad left us. Nicolas betrayed us. Even though I know Xavier’s the one for me, how do I take this chance?” My sob broke free. “What if I’m not the one for him?”

A hitched breath, and a sniffle told me my mom was crying too.

“Oh, God. I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t want to make you cry too.”

She blew out a breath. “It’s okay. I’m crying because I’m happy.”

“W-what?”

“I’m happy that you’ve found this kind of love. There’s nothing, nothing, that if I’d known it ahead of time would have stopped me being with your father. That kind of love is the kind you’ll walk through fire for. You’ll die a thousand times or bear the loss again and again just to have known it. It’s big and it’s scary, but it’s worth it. Even everything I had to go through with Nicolas. If I could do it all again, I’d do it willingly to have had those years with your father. And to have had you. Our daughter.”

I swiped at my cheeks. “Oh, Mom.” It came out a whisper.

“It’s true. So whether or not you decide to go for this, I want you to know that I will be there for you no matter what.” She paused. “And also, it would be really cool to get a head start on a granddaughter by starting with a ten-year-old.”