And I wanted to go back in time—back to before—to my safe life in my small city. A place where I didn’t know how many shades of blue an ocean, or a broken man’s eyes, could be.

Madame smiled a watery smile, unaware of the turmoil and sadness that had suddenly overcome me. “Dauphine will need you too.”

“Maybe. I need to see her safe.” And then I needed to see myself safe. There was no ignoring my throbbing heart that still gasped like a gutted fish in my chest. After I held Dauphine close, I’d need time to heal away from all this. Breathe, Josie.

“She loves you. So much.”

“I love her too.” I was going to crush her tiny body in the biggest hug when we had her safe. God, I hoped she was all right and not scared. The poor girl already had nightmares. My stomach swirled with rage at thinking of the asshole who had her, of how terrified she must be. I understood an inkling of how Xavier must be feeling. He must want to tear Michello limb from limb. It was a pity he was a legitimate businessman and not a gangster because I’m sure with his resources he could make somebody disappear. I took a deep breath. God, I wanted to hold him. Comfort him. Even after his brutal accusations today. The image of him curled up, his head in my lap, in a rare moment of vulnerability flashed through my mind, and I blinked back the burn of more tears.

“And my son? Do you love him?”

I jerked, my deep inhale interrupted.

“I’m sorry. I did not mean … to shock you.”

My head shook with a will of its own, but I couldn’t answer.

Her hand squeezed mine.

I blew out the long, slow, steadying breath. “It doesn’t matter.”

“He deserves to find love again.”

I closed my eyes against the burn of tears and nodded. “He does.”

“You must forgive him. He is not easy. He was always a wary child. His father … and myself, if I am honest … we did not show him the best example of love. It was … how do you say?” She pursed her lips. “It was … currency? We used love, and Xavier’s love, against each other.”

I winced internally and nodded in understanding at the way she gave her explanation as a question, due to the language insecurity. But I turned her explanation over in my mind.

If Xavier didn’t feel worth loving … if he didn’t think he had emotional value, or wasn’t worth investing in, or being a risk worth taking … or worse, if he didn’t feel he was worth living for, then yes, perhaps that was how he saw it. Maybe even the way he gave it. “I agree he thinks he doesn’t deserve love.”