But something deeper, beneath the pain and the anger and the betrayal, stirred and twisted within her at the thought of being together with Ryan again.

She told herself that there was nothing wrong with staying with him until her child was born so she’d have a safe haven and a place to live. Food to eat. She’d have comfort. All the things she’d been denied for the past six months.

But she also knew she couldn’t stay with him without involving her heart again. So the decision was whether she wanted to forgive and forget and move on or whether she wanted to make a clean, permanent break and move on, whatever that entailed.

Or maybe she should settle for a few stolen moments with a man she loved and hated with equal fervor.

The longer she was silent, the more the hope faded in Ryan’s eyes. He seemed resigned to her inevitable rejection, and she couldn’t help but draw the parallel between now and the time she’d stood so vulnerable in front of him, begging for his trust, his love, his support.

The idea of revenge didn’t appeal. It left a heavy feeling of sadness and brought her no happiness and certainly no peace.

She was a fool. And that too brought her no peace.

“I’ll stay,” she said in a voice devoid of the joy the decision should have brought.

Though it was lacking in her own tone and expression, hope flared back to life in Ryan’s eyes. He gripped her arms and then slid his hands up over her shoulders and neck to gently hold her in place as he pressed a tender kiss to her lips.

There was a wealth of emotion conveyed in the simplest touch of his mouth. His breath came in ragged spurts from his chest and for the first time she realized how much he’d feared her rejection.

She wasn’t a huge believer in karma but now she wondered if this was his penance. To feel as she had felt so many months before.

But that thought brought her no satisfaction either. She wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone.

He drew away and brushed the hair from her cheek and continued to stroke the contours of her face.

“Spend the afternoon with me, Kell. You need to eat. I’ll order us food and we can go eat on the beach. Watch the sun go down. I had Jansen pack a bathing suit for you if you’d like to go in the water.”

She reached for the hand that rested against her cheek and curled her fingers around it, holding it there for a long moment.

“I’d like that,” she finally said.

* * *

She and Ryan strolled to the same umbrella she’d used for her nap earlier that morning and he spread out a blanket on the sand. After he was satisfied she would have a comfortable seat, he helped her down and then began unpacking the picnic basket prepared by the restaurant.