“The application,” I said. “Police academy? Ringing any bells?” I was hoping it would, for more than one reason. I wanted him to remember pushing me about becoming a cop, because that would mean he remembered something about our time together after Dru’s death. I wanted him to remember, and be ready to help me get to the bottom of everything once and for all, even though the doctors had said that pushing him to remember things was likely to do the opposite.

He leaned the cane against his leg and opened the envelope, sliding out its contents. “Of course I know what the police academy is,” he said. “I’ve lost a couple months, not my whole life.”

“But you don’t remember forcing me into it.”

He gave me a look that couldn’t even be called incredulous. It was more like you have got to be fucking kidding me. The same look Dad had given me when I mentioned that I might be looking into pursuing a career in law enforcement. The same look I’d given Chris when he’d first suggested the idea to me. Guess Nikki Kill playing the role of Upstanding Administrator of Justice wasn’t believable to any of us.

At the time that I picked up the paperwork, Chris was lying in a hospital bed, unconscious. He had just saved my ass in every conceivable way. And I’d saved his. We’d become a team on a level I’d never imagined we could. I’d thought he was dying. I’d thought of making a promise to go into the academy as some kind of tribute. Or maybe a bargaining chip with God—make Chris pull through and I’ll become a decent person after all. I honestly didn’t know why I was doing it. I only knew that I’d told myself, sleeping Chris, and my dad of all people that I was going to do this.

And there was no way in hell I could do this.

“It doesn’t matter now,” I said. “I’m not going. I can’t.”

He glanced at the application, which was blank, pushed it back into the envelope, and held it out for me to take. “Okay. Why not?”

“Because. I can’t be a cop. I mean, who would want to be one, right?” I gestured the length of his broken body.

“I did. I still do.”