I read them all. Every sentence begging Mom to come to Oildale. Begging Mom to get out of Hollywood Dreams. Begging Mom to get away from Bill Hollis before she ended up broken or dead.

Begging Mom to think—just, please, think—about Milo and Nikki. She was supposed to love us. She was getting seduced by Hollis power. She was too scared to see her way out. Brandi offered her a way out, over and over and over again.

And she chose to stay.

Why?

I found a letter dated about four months before Peyton’s birthday.

Dear Carrie,

Thank you for meeting me for lunch. It was so great to see you! Little Dru absolutely loves the race car you brought him.

I paused, touching the word Dru. Imagining him as a two-year-old sitting on my mother’s lap—another link between us—chewing on his fingers. Imagining him sitting on the floor of Brandi’s trailer, pushing Hot Wheels around the floor, making zooming noises. If he had been allowed to stay with Brandi, what would have been different? Would we have still crossed paths? Would there have been something more there?

I read on.

I hate to see you cry, honey. You know that. It tears me up inside. I wish you could see how strong and beautiful and perfect you are. I wish you could see that God’s plan for you does not include Bill Hollis. I tried to tell you when you argued that what you’re doing isn’t hooking—that what you’re doing is only seeing him—that it was a bad idea. I know firsthand what happens when Bill Hollis decides you’re one of his special ones. A lot of us know, Carrie. I’m just the only one who had the strength to keep my baby.

I understand you wanting this pregnancy to be a secret. I really do. Why jeopardize things with Milo when he’s the one you actually love? And I think you’re right—he wouldn’t understand that you can’t terminate. But I understand. I obviously couldn’t do it either, no matter who fathered my Dru. And I’m so glad I didn’t. Dru is the light of my life.

Come to Oildale. Let me help you. Let me raise this baby. You can go back to Milo and Nikki. You will be able to see your baby as often as you like, and I will have the side benefit of getting to see you. It’s a win-win. I promise to treat the baby like my own until you’re able to make a break from Bill Hollis. We can worry about what to tell Milo then.