‘I’m kidding. He’s definitely not sweet. But he’s not that bad when you get to know him. He’s helped us out a lot.’

My tongue does not have the dexterity to allow me to say, Is being hit by him part of getting to know him? I just give a ‘Hmm.’

Her rejoinder is something like, ‘He is, I promise. You should make an effort with him. He’s actually very interesting. Knows lots of things. Is in contact with all sorts of people.’

‘I don’t think I’ll be making any effort with Ben Ruder.’

‘He was a good support to Tito through all our troubles.’

I don’t say I can’t imagine it.

‘Used to get the cow bones for Tito’s pottery. Tito always appreciated that.’

I tell her I’m just glad she’s okay, which seems out of context given that we haven’t discussed what I saw, and then I hang up.

13

13

In the evening, I shower for a long time, because it seems like it’s something I should do. I repeat to myself that Ben was supportive of Tito. What the hell does that mean? Then I think about Tito and what might have been driving him.

I cook a barbecue for myself, and make sure there are veggies on the plate. Apparently, that’s how you live longer, and that seems a weird thing for me to be thinking about. At the current level of my vegetable consumption, I should be dead tomorrow. James liked peas, but no other vegetable I could think of. This never stopped Sarah thinking up new ways to trick and blackmail him into eating them. Sometimes she succeeded, and sometimes she succeeded because he knew he had to please someone who was trying so hard.