Her throat tightened as she heard the agony inside him. He’d had every right to strike out after what she’d done to him. Slapping him when he’d been tied up had been wrong on so many levels. “Baby, don’t take that onto your shoulders. You’ve been tortured enough. I wasn’t physically hurt at all.”

He narrowed his gaze at her. “Are you lying to me?”

She covered his hand with hers and held it tight. “No. I swear. No one touched me the entire time. I was too old for the slaver’s tastes. And he thought I was too skinny to get top credit so he didn’t want me to do anything or for anyone to bother me. He kept me isolated in a less-than-pleasant room, but I was alone there and it wasn’t so bad. Boring, but not bad. It’s why I was still there when Maris came to find me. The slaver was trying to fatten me before the auction.”

Darling saw the truth in her eyes. Relief poured through him. He’d mentally flogged himself with the fear of someone raping her because of his thoughtless words to Jayne. When he’d said them, he had no idea that Jayne would give her over to a slaver. At worst he’d thought jail. At best, he’d assumed Jayne would let her go. Never had the concept of slavery for Zarya entered his mind.

And even though Zarya hadn’t shown any signs of having been violated, he knew from experience that the aftereffects and emotions didn’t always manifest the same way. Sometimes there was shame that made you lock yourself away from the world. Other times it was anger that caused you to lash out at everyone. And sometimes it was a mixture of both, or nothing more than a cold emptiness that left the soul sick and numb for weeks on end.

Grateful that the gods hadn’t punished her for his stupidity, he pressed his forehead against hers and cupped her face in his hands. “I’m so sorry I did that to you, Zarya. It was wrong and I had no right to treat anyone like that, least of all you. I was such a stupid dick for it. I was just—”

This time, she covered his lips with her fingers to keep him from speaking. “I know, sweetie. I do.”

But she didn’t know how much he hated himself for what he’d done. Not really. Out of nothing more than sheer selfishness, he’d put her in harm’s way. Twice.

How could I have done that?

To her.

He, who knew exactly what it felt like to have someone shove him aside while they wallowed in their own grief and pain, had done that to the one person in his life he’d sworn to love and protect.

I am my mother.

Even worse, he felt like his uncle. And that was what stung the deepest.

How could she forgive him when he couldn’t forgive himself?

“No, Z, you don’t know. There’s so much darkness inside me that sometimes I feel like it’s going to swallow me whole. It makes me want to lash out, and explode all over everyone around me.”