His brows furrowed as that angry insanity flashed across his features. And as quickly as it flared, it settled down into a pained expression that showed how much anguish he still carried inside him. “You are my heaven… And you will always be my eternal hell.”

Those words stabbed her straight through the heart. “Darling—”

He put his finger over her lips to silence her. “When it’s just the two of us and we’re alone, I can forget what happened, and I’m better. Then just as I think I’m all right, it all comes barreling back and kicks me in the crotch again. I can hear you laughing out in the hallway when I needed you most. And honestly, it ravages me so deep inside that I feel like I’m going crazy from the anger and hurt. I feel so betrayed, Zarya. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, I know you didn’t know, but my feelings don’t have ears and they don’t listen to my head. No matter what I do, I can’t reason it away. It just hurts and I don’t know if it’ll ever stop.”

Those words brought tears to her eyes. God, if she could only go back and change what had happened…

Like Hauk had said… Nothing ruined a life faster than one bad decision.

Darling swallowed. “I would give everything I have, even my soul, to let it go. I would. But no matter how hard I try, Zarya, it just keeps coming. And it lights a fury so deep inside me that all I can think about is hurting you in retaliation. It’s so demanding that it scares me. And it takes everything I have to stop from lashing out at you. I can’t keep those feelings or memories from returning. But I am trying to. I am.”

Those words made her heart ache. For all of his confessed rage, he’d kept it bottled inside to the point that she’d never suspected he had any inclination except to be kind to her.

It said a lot about him that he hadn’t once said or done anything mean.

He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “What about you? Do you still hate me?”

She shook her head. “I never really hated you, Darling. I was hurt by your rejection. Bitterly. But what I went through was nothing compared to you.”

“Are you sure?” His tone was strained and searching. “I get sick every time I think about the fact that I caused you to be thrown to a slaver. And when I consider all the things that probably happened to you there…” He clenched his teeth so violently that it made the muscles in his jaw protrude. “You’ve no idea how much I hate myself for it. How much it worries me that I abandoned you when I had no right to do that. I swear to the gods that I didn’t want you harmed. I didn’t. It was a stupid, selfish thing I did and I’m so sorry.”