Chapters (46)
- COVER PAGE
- DEDICATION
- FIRST PART
- BIRD’S EYE
- GORDON
- KELLY
- BEN
- LOU
- ALL FILLER NO KILLER
- NEXT PART
- BIRD’S EYE
- THE FIREHOUSE
- RONALD
- COURT
- THE FALL
- THIS PART
- BIRD’S EYE
- CRICKET
- HONEST
- THE PRODIGAL STEPSON
- THE MAN IN THE IRONED SHORTS
- THE COUNTRY CLUB
- SAFE SPACES
- THE SUNSHINE THAT KILLS US
- THE FUNDRAISER
- THE CLIFF
- FIGHT NIGHT
- SHAMELESS
- ONE FOR THE ROAD
- LAST PART
- BIRD’S EYE
- A MISUNDERSTANDING
- THE NEWS
- SISTERS
- VYVANSE
- STRAW MAN
- THE RIGHT WAY
- THE KICK
- BOYS
- FOR THE AGES
- PERSONAL EFFECTS
- SACRIFICE
- PERFECT PEACE
- PAST ITS BEST
- UP NORTH
- ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
‘And I got shitty with Carl because he wouldn’t buy from me anymore,’ Daniel added helpfully. ‘How fucked up are we?’
‘What did you want?’ Kelly asked Ben.
‘I wanted … to help Dad.’
‘When did you ever lack for anything from us?’ Gordon’s heartbroken face made Ben drop his eyes to stop bursting into tears.
‘You wanted money, and you still didn’t tell us,’ Kelly said.
‘You guys were already so stressed.’
Kelly took out a handkerchief and dabbed at her nose, her eyes pink against the dark tan of her skin. Since he was little, Ben had always been fascinated by this struggle within his mother’s complexion. He had decided that it represented some deep truth: emotions were stronger than skin colour.
Gordon got up from his chair and approached Ben with a slight stumble, the gait of a much older man. He crouched and put his arms around Ben’s shoulders. Because of the difference in their levels, Ben could not get his arms around his dad, so he kind of laid them on his head. It felt awkward to the max, but also, for that reason, okay.
‘Show us, Benny,’ his dad said. ‘Show us what you were about to show me the other night.’
Ben let go of his father and went downstairs to the Boardroom. From beneath his Seiko alarm, he took the envelope containing the money he had collected. He went back upstairs and put it down on the card table in front of his mother and father, who were clasping each other’s hands.
‘Fuck!’ Daniel said. ‘How much is that, you sly dog?’
Ben waited until his dad looked him in the eye.
‘Just got past nine hundred,’ Ben said. Despite himself, despite the implosion of everything, despite the meaninglessness of what he had done, he wanted his dad to approve, to acknowledge that what he had done was useful. But his dad’s eyes were as cold as stone and a million miles from here.
‘Cash! Old school!’ Daniel said. ‘Hey, who’s hungry? Want me to take a hundred and go get some Thai?’ Now that he had got what he wanted, Daniel’s mood seemed to have taken flight.
Ben’s dad twitched, clenched his fist and shoved it into his pocket. Ben might have saved Daniel’s place in the cricket team, but right now he did not want Daniel here.
‘Can you go outside with Carl?’ Ben said.
Daniel was about to chirp some reply, but he cut his eyes to Ben’s parents and, with a sombre nod, went out to the balcony. Ben saw him share a hand-rolled cigarette with Uncle Carl.
‘And don’t smoke before the final!’ Ben called.
To his surprise, Daniel gave the rollie back to Carl.