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Chapters (46)
  1. COVER PAGE
  2. DEDICATION
  3. FIRST PART
  4. BIRD’S EYE
  5. GORDON
  6. KELLY
  7. BEN
  8. LOU
  9. ALL FILLER NO KILLER
  10. NEXT PART
  11. BIRD’S EYE
  12. THE FIREHOUSE
  13. RONALD
  14. COURT
  15. THE FALL
  16. THIS PART
  17. BIRD’S EYE
  18. CRICKET
  19. HONEST
  20. THE PRODIGAL STEPSON
  21. THE MAN IN THE IRONED SHORTS
  22. THE COUNTRY CLUB
  23. SAFE SPACES
  24. THE SUNSHINE THAT KILLS US
  25. THE FUNDRAISER
  26. THE CLIFF
  27. FIGHT NIGHT
  28. SHAMELESS
  29. ONE FOR THE ROAD
  30. LAST PART
  31. BIRD’S EYE
  32. A MISUNDERSTANDING
  33. THE NEWS
  34. SISTERS
  35. VYVANSE
  36. STRAW MAN
  37. THE RIGHT WAY
  38. THE KICK
  39. BOYS
  40. FOR THE AGES
  41. PERSONAL EFFECTS
  42. SACRIFICE
  43. PERFECT PEACE
  44. PAST ITS BEST
  45. UP NORTH
  46. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

‘And I got shitty with Carl because he wouldn’t buy from me anymore,’ Daniel added helpfully. ‘How fucked up are we?’

‘What did you want?’ Kelly asked Ben.

‘I wanted … to help Dad.’

‘When did you ever lack for anything from us?’ Gordon’s heartbroken face made Ben drop his eyes to stop bursting into tears.

‘You wanted money, and you still didn’t tell us,’ Kelly said.

‘You guys were already so stressed.’

Kelly took out a handkerchief and dabbed at her nose, her eyes pink against the dark tan of her skin. Since he was little, Ben had always been fascinated by this struggle within his mother’s complexion. He had decided that it represented some deep truth: emotions were stronger than skin colour.

Gordon got up from his chair and approached Ben with a slight stumble, the gait of a much older man. He crouched and put his arms around Ben’s shoulders. Because of the difference in their levels, Ben could not get his arms around his dad, so he kind of laid them on his head. It felt awkward to the max, but also, for that reason, okay.

‘Show us, Benny,’ his dad said. ‘Show us what you were about to show me the other night.’

Ben let go of his father and went downstairs to the Boardroom. From beneath his Seiko alarm, he took the envelope containing the money he had collected. He went back upstairs and put it down on the card table in front of his mother and father, who were clasping each other’s hands.

‘Fuck!’ Daniel said. ‘How much is that, you sly dog?’

Ben waited until his dad looked him in the eye.

‘Just got past nine hundred,’ Ben said. Despite himself, despite the implosion of everything, despite the meaninglessness of what he had done, he wanted his dad to approve, to acknowledge that what he had done was useful. But his dad’s eyes were as cold as stone and a million miles from here.

‘Cash! Old school!’ Daniel said. ‘Hey, who’s hungry? Want me to take a hundred and go get some Thai?’ Now that he had got what he wanted, Daniel’s mood seemed to have taken flight.

Ben’s dad twitched, clenched his fist and shoved it into his pocket. Ben might have saved Daniel’s place in the cricket team, but right now he did not want Daniel here.

‘Can you go outside with Carl?’ Ben said.

Daniel was about to chirp some reply, but he cut his eyes to Ben’s parents and, with a sombre nod, went out to the balcony. Ben saw him share a hand-rolled cigarette with Uncle Carl.

‘And don’t smoke before the final!’ Ben called.

To his surprise, Daniel gave the rollie back to Carl.