‘That’s what you’re not getting. That’s where you’re dishonest. That’s where you’re nowhere near the beginning of honest. You’ve spent so long practising what honesty is meant to look like, you’ve forgotten how to be honest. With yourself, with me. With anyone. Everyone thinks you’re the most honest person, and you’ve come to believe that as well. That’s why they’re all on your side. Including our son, you’ve tricked him too. But it is all a trick, that’s what I’m trying to get you to see. You are the least honest person. The least!’

‘I’m so sorry,’ he said.

‘And that’s another lie.’

It never failed to surprise her, the free-floating nature of strong emotion. Here he was, about to burst into tears with the shame of recognition, having been exposed by Kelly as the scared little lying Bluebird boy he’d always been; right on the brink of tears, and yet the tears, like a rain cloud looking for a slope, floated across him and lit on her instead. His tears were coming out of Kelly’s eyes.

The fingernail moon had come out from behind a shelf of cloud. Not a fingernail really. More a sickle.

He bent over the rail and looked down at the grass. ‘I’m still the same litter Nazi. Your roach is one thing I don’t want to see floating in the waves.’

Kelly was quick to her feet. In his face like a boxer at weigh-in, she blocked his way to the stairs.

‘Kel.’

‘One for the road?’

‘I’d have thought you’d had enough.’

She shook her head emphatically. ‘Ricky blue-balled me. Just a kid. Didn’t know what he was missing out on.’

‘Why? Um, I don’t know why I asked that.’

Kelly pulled a face. ‘He has an early tee time tomorrow.’

Her hand was in his, her middle finger tracing circles in his palm.

‘No—why? Why this? Me?’

‘Ask no questions, hear no lies,’ Kelly said smokily.

‘The walls are too thin,’ Gordon said. He was already negotiating. He was already lost.

‘Why don’t we go down and see where that roach fell.’ Kelly gripped his wrist.

‘I don’t get it.’

In his eyes, she could read his mind. He was seeing himself floating with her down to the lawn.

‘Gordon. Just’—she laughed—‘let’s just shut the fuck up.’