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Chapters (46)
  1. COVER PAGE
  2. DEDICATION
  3. FIRST PART
  4. BIRD’S EYE
  5. GORDON
  6. KELLY
  7. BEN
  8. LOU
  9. ALL FILLER NO KILLER
  10. NEXT PART
  11. BIRD’S EYE
  12. THE FIREHOUSE
  13. RONALD
  14. COURT
  15. THE FALL
  16. THIS PART
  17. BIRD’S EYE
  18. CRICKET
  19. HONEST
  20. THE PRODIGAL STEPSON
  21. THE MAN IN THE IRONED SHORTS
  22. THE COUNTRY CLUB
  23. SAFE SPACES
  24. THE SUNSHINE THAT KILLS US
  25. THE FUNDRAISER
  26. THE CLIFF
  27. FIGHT NIGHT
  28. SHAMELESS
  29. ONE FOR THE ROAD
  30. LAST PART
  31. BIRD’S EYE
  32. A MISUNDERSTANDING
  33. THE NEWS
  34. SISTERS
  35. VYVANSE
  36. STRAW MAN
  37. THE RIGHT WAY
  38. THE KICK
  39. BOYS
  40. FOR THE AGES
  41. PERSONAL EFFECTS
  42. SACRIFICE
  43. PERFECT PEACE
  44. PAST ITS BEST
  45. UP NORTH
  46. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

‘Better for who?’ Ben said, feeling guilty for having had the same thought back at the Hilton.

‘Good question, Benny, good question.’

They arrived at the nursing home. While Gordon went inside to fetch Grandpa, Ben mulled over his story. It made sense of why his dad always seemed to think he’d let Bluebird down. The old chieftains had built it up, and sons like Gordon and Carl had let it go. Ben, who knew how failure felt, wanted urgently to give his dad a hug and tell him it wasn’t his fault, no matter what those mean old men said. Some fathers were hardwired to see their sons as useless, whatever they did. Ben felt grateful that Gordon wasn’t that kind of father.

He couldn’t wait for his dad to bring Grandpa out. He had to hug his dad now, to save him from the old chieftains. He went inside and caught the lift to Banksia floor, only to find his dad in Grandpa’s room with one of those very chieftains. Gordon was looking like he had been shot in the stomach.

Snowy-haired Tony Eastaugh sat with his plastic leg across his knee in Grandpa’s comfortable armchair. Mr Eastaugh was a man Ben had always put a mental force field around. To kids in Bluebird, he was this peg-legged creature from the black lagoon. Ben’s mum wouldn’t hear the man’s name mentioned, for reasons of her own. Ben didn’t ask. It was obvious that you didn’t go near Mr Eastaugh. Ben’s dad couldn’t avoid him, due to his friendship with Firie Sam, but whenever his name came up Gordon changed the subject. Grandpa regarded Tony Eastaugh as a drongo, a dickhead, with insinuations of worse. So why was he in Grandpa’s room, chuckling over a glass of stout like an old crony?

‘What’s he doing here?’ Ben said by way of greeting his grandfather, who brandished a beer in one hand and a brown envelope in the other, as if choosing between known and unknown quantities of good fortune.

Tony Eastaugh looked Ben up and down from under his reading glasses.

Gordon was holding a beer bottle. At first Ben thought he was drinking too, but Gordon had confiscated it from Grandpa. ‘If I can’t decide the company you keep, I can save you from destroying your kidneys.’

‘See what I mean?’ Grandpa addressed Tony, who glared savagely over the top of his glasses at Gordon. ‘The minute you do something they haven’t controlled, they can’t handle it.’

Gordon indicated the envelope. ‘What’ve you got there?’

Grandpa shot a look at his new mate. ‘He wants to know what I’ve got here, Tony.’