Something sharp flashes across his brow. “Is that why you’re raising this now? Asking me what I meant by it? Because you’re angry with Nicholas for leaving you?”

My jaw drops. “No! It’s not like that. I’m not angry with him. I never was. More… hurt.”

“Ah.” His nostrils flare, and his voice goes flat. “So, you’re asking me about why I said what I said because Nicholas hurt you?”

I nearly choke with shock. “No. God, Sel. No.”

He narrows his eyes. “Then why bring this up now, Briana?”

But guilt leaks into the back of my throat in a cold, steady drip. My tongue feels frozen in my mouth. If Nick were here, would I have ever revisited this conversation with Sel in the first place? Ever actually voiced it out loud and confronted him about it as I’m doing now? A small voice inside of me answers both questions in an instant. Yes, I would have thought about “cariad” again, because I’ve been thinking about it, and no, I would not have confronted Sel about using that word if Nick were by my side.

A petulant part of me wants to shout at Sel that this moment right now is his fault. He started it.

Sel had been prepared to leave this attraction between us alone, but that was before he betrayed me, before his demon, before everything. And here I am reaching past all of that to bring a single moment on the balcony at the Lodge back to life, just to remind myself that some parts of us could be real. And if Sel’s feelings were real then, then maybe I could trust him now. But it’s a selfish wish. And silly logic. Because I can’t erase everything that has occurred, and we can’t go back to the way things were before he used my feelings for him against me. And if I let this moment go any further… I could be betraying what I have with Nick. Even though, in his own way, Nick betrayed us both by leaving us in the woods that day.

This is a mistake.

“I don’t want to…” I step away from him. Sel’s eyes follow me, but he does not move. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

His eyes soften. “You don’t want to what?”

I blow out a breath. “To make things confusing!”

“Are you? Confused?” Oh God. I can feel his eyes on my mouth.

“No.” I shake my head. “Yes.”

“Okay. All right.” His voice is low and soothing. He takes a slow step closer with an outreached hand, as if waiting for me to bolt. “This isn’t an interrogation. I am sorry. It is your birthday. And I had questions… but I don’t want you to leave.” His fingers wrap around mine, and he rubs a slow circle across my palm with his thumb.

I nod. “Okay.”