“Because…” His throat works. He swipes his tongue over his lower lip. Takes a deep breath. “Because my judgment is not what it should be around you, Bree. It never has been.”

His confession sucks all of the air from my lungs, and in its place I am breathing confusion, gasping in pain, exhaling anger. Together, they close my throat tighter. When I manage to speak, my voice comes out in a thin whisper.

“Those times when we were close. The plane. The safehouse. Last night in the Lounge when you touched me, said those things…” I shake my head. “I don’t know what was real, and what was an illusion created from your—your fear.”

Sel stands slowly, approaching me in careful steps. I look up at him, hoping to find something in his dark, piercing eyes to hold on to. “If you hear nothing else I have said tonight, hear this. My mesmers were only ever a visual illusion.” His voice is low, determined. “Please know that I did not exert any other influence over you.”

The knot breaks open in my chest. Tears prick at my eyes, in my nose. “So, I can’t even blame your mesmer for… for how I felt.”

Sel inhales a slow, shaky breath, releases it. “No.”

I sniff, wrapping my arms around myself. “But you took advantage of those feelings, Sel. You abused our connection, just like you—” I stop myself short, the echoes rippling through me.

“Just like I abused my connection to Nicholas,” Sel continues. “I know. But with you, I did not mean to. I did not want you to see the part of myself that feels inhuman. I did not realize—” He steps forward. I step back. There’s a fierce, raw light in his eyes when he says, “Bree, those moments between us… they were real. I swear it.”

“I deserve better than lies,” I say through gritted teeth. “You were lying to me, lying to yourself…. How can I know what was real?”

His face twists in pain, eyes squeeze shut. “I suppose you can’t,” he whispers.

The warm thing opening up between us for weeks snaps closed. I don’t know how to open it again. If I even want to.

I sigh and walk around him. “I’m going back to the house.”

“Bree.” His voice stops me. I can feel the fierce, fond expression on his face, even if I can’t see it. I turn back to see him standing there, the fallen angel I know, more demon than ever. Not from how he appears, but by what he’s done. “There’s something else you should know.”

As if my heart could break any further. I release a heavy breath. “What is it?”

“I feel better now, after the aether Valec gave me. I think I’ll be okay for a while longer. He’s given me a few vials to take with me….” His voice fades away.