“Just dozed off. You leaving already?”

“No. I was just looking for my phone. Wanted to make sure I had it turned off. Didn’t want to wake you up.”

He came back to bed, his hands relaxed. If the ring was in his pocket, he’d left it there.

Cody lay on his back. She snuggled up next to him, his arm around her, his fingers tracing the slope of her hip.

“So,” he said, “what happened today?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“Something went down. I can feel it.”

Ellie sighed. “You know I can’t—”

“I know. I was hoping to catch you in a moment of weakness.”

“I’m feeling pretty weak.” She craned her face up at him, smiled. “Well done, sir. Well done.”

“Just tell me . . . I need to know you’re okay and not in any danger.”

“I’m okay.”

“But in danger.”

“I’m fine. Everything’s fine,” Ellie said, wondering if she was trying to convince Cody or herself. “I’ve got good people watching over me.”

“You honestly believe that?”

“You know something I don’t?”

Cody shook his head. “It’s just . . .” He didn’t finish the thought.

Ellie propped herself up on an elbow. “What?” she prompted.

He took a moment to collect his thoughts. “These people watching you—they don’t have your back. They won’t take a bullet for you. And it’s not because they don’t care; it’s because they can’t. It’s hard enough for someone you love to carry that burden, but a total stranger?”

“You want me to get out?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But if I was asking?”

“Then yeah, I’d say leave. Come back home.”

“And do what?”

“You can go back to patrol.”

Back to patrol. Back to playing referee in domestic disputes. Back to writing speeding tickets and catching drunk drivers.

“You could get a desk job,” he said.

“I don’t want a desk job.”

“What if you did something else?”

“You mean, other than being a cop?”

“You ever think about it?”

She had always wanted to be a cop, and now she was; there was nothing else to think about other than the job in front of her. “No,” she said. “You?”

Cody shrugged. “There are other things to do in life.”

“You mean the whole white-picket-fence thing, two kids and a golden retriever?”

Cody chuckled, but it sounded cold to her. “You make it sound like a prison sentence.”

In her mind’s eye she saw herself hosting holiday parties and living in the suburbs, where you talked about kids and dogs and schools and shared recipes and gardening and lawn care tips. She saw herself trapped.

Cody said, “Is that so bad? Us having a life together?”

“No. Absolutely not.” And she meant it.

“But that’s not what you want.”

“Kind of preoccupied right now, you know, with the job.”

“Have you thought about it?”

“Sure,” she said, although she hadn’t, not really. She loved Cody—she truly did—and while she could imagine a life with him, saying yes to marriage meant accepting his feelings and opinions about the course of her private and professional life. Saying yes meant accepting no longer being able to think about just herself, and she wasn’t ready for that—especially now, not in her current situation. She loved him but didn’t want to feel owned by him, and she wondered if Cody knew the difference.