We had a house (that wasn’t really ours). We had creatures (fetuses and animals, now all dead). We had two cats (animals, now all dead). We had two beds. We had breakfasts (three thousand at least). We had walks. We had secrets. We had deaths that we cried over together. We had plane tickets (we went and returned). We had obsessions (demons to feed). We had altars or at least sacred objects. We had an accident. We had robberies. We had a routine or many or all of them. We had white noise. We had an operation. We had a wedding party in which we danced to en el bosque de la china and nineties choreography (you can have it all). We had a joint bank account. We had presents (a dog, now dead). We had an episode of physical violence or two. We had a collection. We had a prize for each of us (mine was in skating). We had a bicycle (it was stolen). We had illnesses and recuperated from the illnesses. We had a dinner with my stepmother and my dad (the only one I’ve had with both present in their thirty years of marriage). We had lovers, he had one and I, two (he had one first, I had a man and a woman). We had lines of cocaine, ecstasy pills, and an ayahuasca ceremony (we made a child and we made a trio and we said all the words of love to each other one dawn). We had a debt (my mom paid it). We had friends. We had a balcony (this makes me think of a drawing I did, he and I in the kitchen, he and I in the dining room, he and I on the balcony, drowning in a fight about something I no longer remember, but poor him, wild animal, trapped in my madness, the snow the only horizon: we had a landscape all our own). We had a marriage counselor. We had a reading group and one night we held a performance, my breasts were painted red. We also attended a Leonard Cohen concert. We had simultaneous orgasms (almost all of them). We had weeks of not talking to each other. We had a shared martial arts practice. We had thirteen boxes of books lost in some mysterious hole in the ocean. We had a tree in front of our window (now tattooed on his chest).

I closed the list and said that was it.