“Not you, Fred. Colin.” I already knew Fred wouldn’t have a clue who I was on about, but Colin, like the king he was, threw his tiny, furry head up, shaking the lead in what I took as a low-key celebration. He knew this was HUGE. Elle knowing where we lived was one step away from her knowing I existed. Which was basically almost best friends.

I’d followed @OneElleOfATime ever since Ruby showed me this amazing lip-synch video she’d done on her old account. It was Lewis-Capaldi-towel-and-sunglasses levels of funny.

I’d DMed her to say that I’d laughed so hard, a bit of crisp had come out of my nose. Weirdly, she’d never responded or followed me back. But she also hadn’t blocked me, so that was something.

“The fire hazard has arrived!” Fred shouted upstairs to Ruby as I took off my many woolen accessories. To say his reaction to Elle’s post was not exactly excited would be like saying Harry Styles had done a little bit okay for himself. Fred just didn’t care.

When I walked in, Ruby narrowed her eyes at me. “That smile…” She said it like an accusation as she tucked her dyed platinum hair behind her ears. “You’ve seen Kit Kat Boy, haven’t you?”

It was what she called Woody ever since the “break” convo. I couldn’t look at her—I knew she could see into my soul, so I stared at Fred’s only three posters. One giant one on each wall in tribute to his three great loves—Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Emma Watson, and sausage rolls. “Nooooommmaayyybbbeeeeesss?” So that’s what happened when I tried to lie to Ruby.

She slammed down the purple rock she was holding on Fred’s carpet. “DETAILS. All of them!”

“FINE.” I took a deep breath and looked at Fred, who just shook his head. Okay, I’d keep him out of it. “Yes, we—I—just saw him.”

“And…?” This was worse than a Mum and Naomi interrogation.

“And…hear me out. It was brilliant. Like old times? He had that jacket on.” I inhaled with my eyes closed. “And the hat. And I was holding bin bags.” I couldn’t seem to stop. “And he wants to talk…to me.” I crouched down and grabbed her leg. “Tonight.” I didn’t mean to. I just needed physical support. “I know what you’re thinking, but, Rubes—this could be it!”

“I see,” is all she said. We all knew what Ruby thought. That if Woody wasn’t sure how he felt about me, I should be sure he didn’t deserve me.

“And just to check. Again.” She leaned back. “You’re sure you want to get back together?” She knew the answer, so I didn’t bother replying. “Because you could literally do a billion times better. Or whatever is even more than that.”

“Centillion,” Fred said.