Sophie had totally freaked out—she’d been seconds away from jumping in the car to come and get me. In the end, I’d had to get Mom to call and tell her it was all fine. But then Mom was pissed at me for stressing her out and even more mad at me being on my own in London. Oh, and Holly had asked to “chat tomorrow.” No kisses, no nothing. She was mad about me leaving Fred, I could tell. I told her I couldn’t make the call, but I didn’t tell her why. She’d find out soon enough. Until then, here I was. Alone, in London, with all the people I liked in two countries mad at me.

Still, I’d done it—completed my #OneElleOfAChristmasDayInLondon. And if I got 553 more followers, I’d be first to hit fifteen thousand and win the challenge—unless @CallMeClaraT managed something major. And it was unlikely, because I still had more posts to upload that I knew people would love.

And I felt…nothing.

I’d spent the past few hours trying to figure out why.

Turns out, I hadn’t just used my account to put on a face to the world—I hadn’t been honest with myself either. I’d done all of this to win the challenge—to prove to myself I could make it work, all on my own. And I guess so I could finally feel like I belonged somewhere. In Alpine Peaks. As part of Dove’s crew. Prove it to Mom and Dad too.

But now what I really wanted was… Well, it was hard to admit.

Because if I were honest—really honest—what I think I really wanted was…Fred.

Whoa.

I’d thought it.

I like Fred.

And the more I thought it, the more I knew it for certain.

“I like Fred.”

I said it out loud to the empty room.

And instead of letting him know how much I’d loved today—in fact, had loved every day we’d spent together—I’d ditched him at the station. All for this stupid challenge.

I knew when he’d told me about Eve. It was selfish, I know, but I didn’t feel happy—I felt jealous, and sad, and like I was the biggest dork in the world for paying more attention to this challenge than to how I really felt.

Nothing like realizing how much you like someone because you find out they like someone else.

Everyone always says to do what makes you happy, but if you don’t ever stop to figure out what that is, you sure can make some bad decisions.

I flicked TV channels trying to give my brain a break. 2:53 am. Great. My train back was at 7:51, so less than five hours to fall asleep, wake up, and get there.