“I did not!” Weird. That was not like Ruby at all. “Maybe she’s got something on her mind.” Mum had no idea I meant Ruby’s hot, hot, hot date with Temi tomorrow. I smiled smugly to myself—yes, I was making in-jokes, with…myself. “Only five sleeps till I’m back. CAN’T WAIT. And you’ve got your first proper Christmas with Colin and the twins. Imagine—not having to rely on me and Nay to help with dinner!”

But the big, smiley reply I was expecting didn’t come. “Well, I will sorely miss your excellent carrot-peeling skills. And the twins are off to their mum’s, so Col and I were thinking of treating ourselves to takeaway.” Takeaway? She wasn’t doing turkey for the first time ever?! “Less danger from Colin-dog. Maybe a nice glass of wine and something good on TV.” No mention of stockings? Or even a game? What positive could I take from this?

“Well, takeaway beats what people used to have…pig’s head and mustard.”

Did Nick just snort?

“Not sad to have missed that one.” Mum laughed. “Thought I might even put the old Christmas onesie on!”

“I will require a video call with you BOTH in them.” I did well not to ruin the surprise. Once I’d realized I was going to miss the big day, Naomi, Elle, and I had managed to organize stockings for all of them.

“Of course! I’m excited already.” I smiled at her, but I didn’t really want to talk about it—although we’d chatted every day, I’d been really careful she didn’t realize I was freaking out a bit about spending my first Christmas away. So instead I asked her the question I’d already asked a million times.

“And you’re still sure you don’t mind me being here?”

“Of course not. You’re meant to be having the best Christmas ever, remember? And if you are—I am.”

I realized in that moment, I could never be a parent.

They were too good.

But I had to go. Nick was jabbing me in the arm. I pulled out my headphones.

“The train’s stopping, something on the line. We could be stuck here for a couple of hours—but if we run, we can jump on the express to Penn.”

Stopping? Penn Station? This wasn’t the plan?

But neither was being behind schedule! Help!

I said bye to Mum and stuffed everything in my bag as Nick scrambled around under the seats to unplug our chargers. Clinging on to armfuls of things (mainly woolen and mine), we made the train by seconds.

I sank back into my chair until I could manage words.

“Right.” Breathe. “Phew.” Oxygen. “Soooo.” I got my phone out. “Can you show me where Penn is? I might have to jiggle some stuff around.”