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Chapters (129)
  1. Full Page Image
  2. Dedication
  3. Dedication
  4. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  5. BLAKE
  6. 1999
  7. BEVERLY
  8. 1
  9. BEVERLY, 1993
  10. 2
  11. BEVERLY, 1993
  12. 3
  13. BEVERLY, 1994
  14. 4
  15. BLAKE, 1994
  16. 5
  17. BEVERLY, 1994
  18. 6
  19. BEVERLY, 1995
  20. 7
  21. BLAKE, 1995
  22. 8
  23. BEVERLY, 1996
  24. 9
  25. BEVERLY, 1997
  26. 10
  27. BLAKE, 1997
  28. 11
  29. BLAKE, 1997
  30. 12
  31. BEVERLY, 1997
  32. 13
  33. BLAKE, 1997
  34. 14
  35. BEVERLY, 1998
  36. 15
  37. BLAKE, 1998
  38. 16
  39. BEVERLY, 1998
  40. 17
  41. BLAKE, 1998
  42. 18
  43. BEVERLY, 1998
  44. 19
  45. BLAKE, 1998
  46. 20
  47. BEVERLY, 1998
  48. 21
  49. BLAKE, 1998
  50. 22
  51. BEVERLY, 1998
  52. 23
  53. BLAKE, 1998
  54. 24
  55. BEVERLY, 1998
  56. 25
  57. BLAKE, 1998
  58. 26
  59. BEVERLY, 1998
  60. 27
  61. BLAKE, 1998
  62. 28
  63. BEVERLY, 1999
  64. 29
  65. BEVERLY, 1999
  66. 30
  67. BLAKE, 1999
  68. 31
  69. BEVERLY, 1999
  70. 32
  71. BEVERLY, 1999
  72. 33
  73. BLAKE, 1999
  74. 34
  75. BEVERLY, 1999
  76. 35
  77. BLAKE, 1999
  78. 36
  79. BEVERLY, 1999
  80. 37
  81. BLAKE, 1999
  82. 38
  83. BLAKE, 1999
  84. 39
  85. BEVERLY, 1999
  86. 40
  87. BEVERLY, 1999
  88. 41
  89. BLAKE, 1999
  90. 42
  91. BEVERLY, 1999
  92. 43
  93. BLAKE, 1999
  94. 44
  95. BEVERLY, 1999
  96. 45
  97. BLAKE, 1999
  98. 46
  99. BEVERLY, 1999
  100. 47
  101. BLAKE, 1999
  102. 48
  103. BEVERLY, 1999
  104. 49
  105. BLAKE, 1999
  106. 50
  107. BEVERLY, 1999
  108. 51
  109. BLAKE, 2000
  110. 52
  111. BEVERLY, 2001
  112. 53
  113. BLAKE, 2001
  114. 54
  115. BEVERLY, 2001
  116. 55
  117. BLAKE, 2001
  118. 56
  119. BEVERLY, 2001
  120. 57
  121. BLAKE, 2001
  122. 58
  123. BEVERLY, 2001
  124. 59
  125. BLAKE, 2001
  126. EPILOGUE
  127. BEVERLY, 2002
  128. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  129. IMPRESSUM

Blake let out a breath that was almost a laugh. “Yeah,” he said. “I was with him. Since when does he talk to Tiffany?”

I side-eyed him. “What?”

“He told me they’ve been talking.”

“That doesn’t make sense. Wait, do you think… Do you think they like each other?”

Blake choked on a laugh. “Jamal and Tiffany? No.”

I crossed my arms. “Why not? Jamal’s… He’s nice enough, right? I mean, he’s… I don’t know. Funny. Not bad looking.”

“Tiffany would eat him alive.”

“Blake?”

“Yeah?”

“You smell like sweat.”

Blake snorted, finally shooting me a glance. “Thanks, B.”

I bit the inside of my cheek as I watched him.

There were so many things I wanted to ask, things I’ve been dying to understand.

Why did you ask me to dance for you?

Why did you let me dance on you?

Why do you pull me in, only to keep me at arm’s length?

Why do you always look at me like I’m something you can’t have, yet something you desperately want anyway?

What are you waiting for? A signal, a sign?

What do you want from me? Something real or just the idea of me?

Do you ever wonder if I’m waiting for the same thing?

If I would’ve been a braver girl, I would’ve asked these questions. But I wasn’t brave. I was terrified—terrified that if I asked, if I pressed too hard, I’d push him away for good. That whatever fragile balance we had would shatter, and he’d leave me with nothing but memories and regrets.

So instead, I did the only thing I knew how to do.

I got under his skin.

I turned my head toward the window, feigning indifference, keeping my voice light—just a casual afterthought.

“Some guy flirted with me today.”

I didn’t look at him, but I could feel his entire body go still, the air in the car shifting, thickening.

“Yeah?” His voice was flat.

I nodded, tracing my finger along the hem of my hoodie. “Mm-hmm,” I lied. “Outside the studio. Some guy walked up and asked if I needed a ride home.”

“Well, you didn’t take it.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. A fact.

“No. I told him my ride was already coming.”

Silence stretched between us, heavy, unspoken things lingering in the space where words should have been. I just wanted to see if I could pull something out of him—some crack in the armor, some flash of emotion that he couldn’t suppress.

Blake exhaled slowly, his knuckles white against the wheel. “Who was he?”

I shrugged. “Some guy. Older. Maybe nineteen? He had nice eyes, though.”

Blake’s jaw clenched, and his shoulders stiffened as he changed lanes a little too sharply.