I shrug. “I don’t know. Don’t listen to me.” I bite my lip. “After all, if I’m not staking ownership of the Wendy house or throwing sand at the other children, I’m having my afternoon nap.”

He laughs loudly, his eyes creased. “You’re not a kid,” he finally says, and I smile at him.

“I promise that I won’t behave like one,” I say impulsively. “I don’t want to embarrass you. I’ll behave like an adult. I’ll be reasonable and assured and a cool head in any crisis.” He looks like he wants to dispute this, and I eye him for a moment. “Unless he’s horrible to you,” I say firmly. “Then all bets are off.”

Chapter Four

Zeb

I stand outside on the balcony, the late afternoon sun laying stripes across the floor. Listening out, I can still hear the hiss of the shower where Jesse has ensconced himself. I think of that lithe form with soap bubbles trailing down it and shake my head firmly. Nope. I turn my attention back to the phone in my hand.

“This is a disaster,” I hiss.

“I’m sorry. Is this a conversation or Chinese whispers?” my twat of an assistant whispers back. “Hang on, though. I was good at this in Cubs. I think you said that you liked James Acaster. That’s fine with me. He’s a very funny comedian.”

“Do I pay you too much?” I wonder.

“Put it out of your head,” he says comfortingly. “Now, why is this a disaster? You’re away for a few days with an extremely gorgeous younger man. Were you a pessimistic child, Zeb? Because all the signs are pointing that way.”

“I’m also away with my ex-lover, his future bride, and two sets of families who hate me,” I mutter. “Oh, and Jesse and Patrick clashed heads earlier.”

“Did Jesse actually headbutt Patrick? Because this day is getting better and better. I might buy a lottery ticket later on.”

“No, of course he didn’t. But he was very challenging towards him. Like two dogs fighting over a piece of bacon,” I say glumly.

“Zeb, it’s like the fairies sprinkled magic dust over you when you were a baby and then promptly dropped you on your head.”

“I can’t talk to you,” I say solemnly.

“No, don’t. Go and shag that beautiful man and fuck the others off. Just spend the time in bed with him.”

“Goodbye,” I say sadly.

I click End, aware of him laughing in the background, but all my attention is on the bathroom door which has just opened to reveal Jesse. If this were a film, triumphant music would definitely play because he’s a glorious sight.