“I feel like a whirlwind picked me up and shoved me through a steel fence headfirst and then rammed me into a cow pat next to a rose bush,” I say sadly. Max and Felix blink. “It’s too soon for me to have f-feelings,” I finally say. “I don’t think it’s right to feel like this so soon.”

“Like what?” Max asks.

“Like there aren’t any rules.” I pause. “And that I quite like it like that,” I finish reluctantly. “Even though it makes me feel like I’m upside down on a very rickety and not properly policed fairground ride.”

Felix laughs and shakes his head. “There aren’t any rules for it. That’s the point. It has to be taken on trust because sometimes in your relationship that trust will be all you have to keep going.” He shrugs. “There’s no billeted list to check things off. It just happens. You have strong feelings for the person, you don’t want to be away from them, you smile when you think of them. And away you go.” He makes a flapping gesture with his hands.

“Surely that’s infatuation?”

“Call it what you like, Zebadiah, but eventually you’ll let it be love.”

“Let it?”

He smiles affectionately at me. “I’ve always liked you, but God, you’re an idiot.”

“An idiot boss, I think you meant to say in a hyper-polite voice,” I say faintly.

Felix carries on remorselessly. “An idiot who’d put the army to shame. You analysed and strategized and overthought everything and pottered along thinking that you had complete control. Then bam!” I jump, and he grins mischievously. “It hit you right between the bloody eyes. Jesse is perfect for you. Yes, he’s younger than you, but you need that. He’s funny and charming and impulsive, and he’s stopping your slow roll into the grave through fear of feeling out of control. And you’ve let him in. You just haven’t realized it yet.” He rolls his eyes in quite a condemning manner.

“He’s right,” Max says somewhat piously. “You should listen to him.”

“Ha!” Felix says.

I shake my head. “How is it that I’m sitting here letting you two lecture and advise me on love? It’s like Henry the Eighth advising people on how to keep women happy.” Felix opens his mouth, but I hold up my hand. “I just want the address,” I say slightly pathetically. “That’s all I want. I know I’m in love with him. I’m coming to terms with it slowly. I just need to get him back, explain things properly, and tell him to come home with me.”

Felix and Max look at each other. “Good luck with that,” Felix says slightly doubtfully.

“The address?” I say loudly.

“Oh, it’s St Mary’s Church in Dunsford.”

“You knew it all along,” I say indignantly.