The memories from that night never left. They filled her mind until she felt as if her head would explode. The guilt was the worst thing. Guilt at pushing Lucy, guilt at lying about what had happened, guilt at leaving her sister. Endless, suffocating guilt that became such a part of who she was she couldn’t remember what it felt like to live without it. She should have had counselling, professional help to give her strategies for coping. Instead, she’d had two adults – Fiona and Michael – who’d done their best to love her and keep her safe. Kitty remembered all the self-help books Fiona had made her read, the mindfulness sessions that Kitty had hated at first but now, as an adult, were one of the props she used to get her through each day. None of it was enough, though, because no matter how hard she worked to control the dark thoughts inside her head, they kept coming.

‘Annie, you don’t have to do this,’ Fiona said now, dragging Kitty back from the darkness like she always did.

‘Yes I do,’ Kitty said. ‘And let’s stop with the Annie now. I can go back to being Kitty again.’

‘Whatever you want,’ Fiona said. ‘You know that.’

Fiona’s face blurred as Kitty’s eyes filled with tears. She was able to recognise how lucky she’d been. In many ways, coming to live with Michael and Fiona had saved her. Because they were kind and loving and not messed up and cruel like Kitty’s own parents.

‘I never stopped thinking about you,’ she said to Emer. ‘I’ve kept track of you over the years. Well, as much as I was able to.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Social media mainly,’ Kitty said. ‘Your Facebook and Instagram accounts are private, but it still wasn’t that hard to find you. You’re friends with lots of people from Ballincarraig. On Facebook, all I did was set up a fake account and send them friend requests. Lots of people will accept a friend request without even checking how they know the person. I did the same on Instagram. Started following people you know first, then you.’

She stopped speaking, thinking of all the hours she’d spent, poring over her sister’s social media posts. Trying to work out if Emer was doing okay without her. It wasn’t just Emer, either. Using her fake account, Kitty had also been able to find Maeve Ryan on social media. For a long time, she’d followed Maeve’s stories too. Until the compulsion to contact Maeve and tell her the truth about her sister became too strong and Kitty had to block Maeve’s accounts so she couldn’t see them any longer.

‘I have lots of Facebook friends,’ Emer said. ‘Half of them, I barely remember how I know them.’