Chadwick seemed like a decent man. Cathy and Chadwick had two little girls and Cathy was happy, but there was something else. She couldn’t conceal it, but that day in the mall her concern for Fortin flickered behind her eyes.

“How are you doing, Will?”

He smiled then said: “Oh, good, I’m good.”

But Cathy knew the truth. He saw it reflected in her face, read it in the way she looked at him.

“You know,” she said, glancing at Chadwick, as if they’d already had some sort of conversation concerning what she was going to say, and their meeting had set things in motion for her. “If you ever want to talk about anything, you can call me.”

“No, thanks, that’s okay.”

“Will,” Chadwick said. “Please, I want you to know that you can call Cathy anytime. It’s okay.”

An awkward silence passed before Fortin spoke.

“Thank you, it’s a kind offer but really, I’m fine.”

But Cathy, Chadwick, and Fortin knew he’d lied.

So it was that on some nights, the bad ones, Fortin, after some anxiety, had made use of the offer. He had called Cathy’s home number using a phone that blocked his. If she didn’t answer, he’d hang up. When she did answer, he’d talk to her.

Cathy always listened.

She was the only one who understood.

“You have to forgive yourself, Will.”

Most nights, when Fortin thought of Cathy, happy with Chadwick and their beautiful daughters, he felt like a ghost haunting the life he should’ve had, the one that died that night at the Big Diamond Farm.

The lives he took.

Time went by. Little by little, Fortin felt himself getting stronger. He hadn’t had a drink in years. Yet he remained quiet and solitary, living alone in that little home where he and Cathy had lived and dreamed. He would sit on his deck as the sun sank and search the foothills and the Rockies as if the answers were out there, just beyond the peaks.

A change came for Fortin when he had received word that he’d been successful in his bid to make corporal and would work out of Calgary. He sold the house and got a small condo in the city.

A superintendent who was sympathetic to Fortin’s history had assigned him to escort duty with a new national security team, apart from what provincial provost sections did. Fortin’s new job involved transporting prisoners across the province, across the country, and around the world.

“It means spending a lot of time away from home on planes,” his superintendent said. “Are you good with that, Corporal Fortin?”

“I’m absolutely good with it, sir.”

Fortin liked the work. He enjoyed traveling, but continued to live a lonely life, plagued with second guesses.

All the while he ached to do one thing, anything, that would redeem him.

-Chapter 33-

Prince Albert, Saskatchewan